From middle schoolers to experienced executives, I have seen the same challenge: We put ourselves last.

We show up where we’re supposed to show up, which is almost always at someone else’s behest, whether it’s math class or a client meeting.

Then, we tend to do the stuff that’s in front of us. For some of us, it’s eating snacks and playing video games; for others, it’s answering emails and phone calls.

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Often, as a coach, employer, or teacher, I’m trying to put my finger on something that doesn’t feel right.

If something is not working, I’ve got to try to figure out why. I’ll look for any clues. One of the more subtle signs of a breakdown is the use of hyperbole.

If someone on my team says something like, “I tried like a hundred times,” or “I’ve been reminding him constantly,” or “Everyone was thrilled,” my ears perk up. These are stories that can’t possibly be literally true, yet they are shared with sincerity. This is a disconnect that causes problems.

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I suspect that a lot of the world’s most prolific Internet meme creators and curators are introverts. There seems to be a disproportionate number of memes focusing on the habits and preferences of people who would rather do anything but commit to plans with their fellow humans.

Though I am an extrovert, I can relate; I am a morning person who loves to be in bed by nine. I wasn’t always this way, though. I was young and fun once upon a time. But even when I wanted to get to bed early, I didn’t know how to allow myself the privilege. I worked six days a week and still said yes to everything. It wore me out.

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How do you know exactly how much to practice a new skill or how long to spend preparing for a performance or speech?

You can go through the motions until things are pretty familiar; you can push yourself past the point of exhaustion through relentless repetition.

But the best approach is to carefully calibrate your effort to exactly what is needed, no more no less, using something I call the Comfort Score.

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Because we don’t give grades, it might appear that we are no longer measuring or scoring students.

On the contrary, we’re measuring and scoring all the time – and more importantly, teaching our students to measure and score themselves. “Rulerless” does not mean that we don’t measure anything. It means, rather, that we measure according to our own criteria, based on the results we are seeking. As we do so, we can gather highly useful, actionable data about the performance our students and ourselves as teachers. This data not meant to rate or rank anyone. It’s meant to help us become who we want to be.

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