Congratulations, it's out of control!

Santa needs an operations manager and a better HR department. (UK National Archives)

A few years ago, I approached my uncle for help in solving a desperate situation.

I had to make payroll in just a few days, and I wasn't sure how I was going to do it.

I needed $20,000, and I had...I don't know. Maybe half that? It was bad.

I was grateful to have him (and a select few other outstanding human beings) to turn to in this situation, but I felt so much shame at being in such a predicament in the first place. Why had I let things get to this point? I had been promising too much and charging too little. I was a failure as a business owner.

My uncle helped me to reframe my circumstances. He said, "Isn't it amazing that you have created something that requires a $20,000 payroll to sustain it? Isn't it incredible that all of that money flows through your business every two weeks?

"And isn't it amazing that you have people in your life who are happy and able to lend you money? Look at all of the people who trust you."

Ever since that conversation with my wise uncle (from whom I've stolen a lot of the best stuff I share here), I've recognized that shame is optional. I don't have to look at myself as a hopeless failure. I can see, instead, someone who is trying to build something new. I can embrace the frustration and learning that goes along with that, along with the magic of receiving help when I most need it.

In my new consultancy, my team and I go deep into people's businesses to help them fix things. I profoundly appreciate the vulnerability that these business owners and their leaders demonstrate in their willingness to allow us this access and share what their problems are.

Sometimes, they'll apologize, the way so many of us do when someone steps into our home. "I'm sorry it's such chaos. I keep meaning to clean up around here."

But really, the chaos is a sign of life. It's a sign of success, not failure. The reason you haven't been cleaning up and making everything pristine and perfect is that you've been busy doing things: Serving clients, taking care of your family and yourself, making art, creating, and collaborating.

Things only get so wildly out of hand when there are things happening in the first place. There are lots of moving parts and people, and learning how to get it all documented and organized is its own skill. It's reasonable that you have been focused on other concerns. You can't be everywhere at once.

As an organization matures, its leaders can create systems and processes to manage every detail. A library of resources and a sustainable framework can be built out of the jumble of materials on every available surface and hard drive. But all of that takes attention and care, which may be in short supply for long periods. That's all part of the journey.

If your life or business is out of control, congratulations. Your ambition exceeds your current ability to maintain what you've created. You've built something bigger than yourself, and you are discovering new challenges and learning all the time.

Yeah, we might not want to stay in that stage forever. You'll want to grow out of it. Adolescence must give way to adulthood. Be warned, though, that growth is a cycle; eventually, you will find your way to biting off more than you can chew once again. Good for you! You'll get through it, and you'll be better for it.