The shortest route to serenity
In Manhattan, they all have to build up instead of out. Makes it harder to take a smoke break, but is that really a bad thing? (Image by hello_rayman)
The other day, I had a new project launching, plus double my usual number of meetings.
I also had been away. That meant that I had a bunch of bags to unpack, there was little in the way of groceries, and I stayed up too late.
I’m sure there are plenty of people who would be fine with all of that, but a lack of food and sleep easily throws off my equilibrium. I had to figure out what to do to make it work.
On this intensely busy day, I knew that I would feel better if I woke up very early in the morning to get going, so that’s what I did. I also knew that I would feel a million times better if I prepared food from a nearby café instead of trying to worry about grocery shopping and cooking, so I did that, too.
Then I asked for help, and I received it. Lastly, I chose where I would compromise, and I made peace with that.
Once I started to catch up with the work to be done, I pushed ahead. And then, as soon as I could, I went to get groceries. Somewhere in there, I tidied the house as well. Equilibrium restored.
I know that I write this from a position of privilege, but I didn’t always see the choices I had. I’ve had long stretches of time in which life always felt like an emergency. I was constantly stressed, broke, overworked, and exhausted. Now, I’m learning to make the most of the times in which I have a little more margin in my life so that I’m not thrown completely during busier times. That leaves me with more margin overall, which enables me to take the shortest route to serenity when the situation calls for that.
In practical terms, I can conserve more of my money, energy, time, and social capital by taking a more moderate approach to life in general. That way, I have more money, energy, time, and social capital to spare when days are demanding.
Instead of working until 7 PM and scavenging for take-out when I’m already starving—night after night after night—I can close down at 5:00 and save the restaurant meals for special occasions.
Instead of keeping a chaotic social life full of drama, I can work to be a generous friend to a small circle of people, giving more than I take.
Instead of saying yes to everything, I can be more realistic about what I have the space in my schedule to accommodate. Then, I can give each project my full attention.
Emergencies will still come up, but they will be manageable. If I show up a few minutes early every day, then the one time I was late because I got stuck behind an accident is forgivable. That’s much better than arriving two to five minutes late all the time, like I used to do when I was taking on too much and had no margin, constantly falling behind.
In reality, I had a bit of a circular problem: I was too busy because I was broke and needed to work six jobs, but I was broke because I had more going on than I could really handle. All of the pieces of my life increased complexity without adding up to anything. I was running around with a pail of water, spilling it all out on the ground.
Correcting this problem required me to acknowledge my limitations and be okay with imperfect solutions to problems. Is pizza the healthiest meal in the world? No. Is it the perfect way to, say, feed a bunch of people under the age of eighteen? Yes. We don’t have to tick all the boxes all the time. Sometimes, we do what we gotta do. We go to bed without brushing our teeth and we don’t text back for a week. That’s life, and that’s okay.
After so many years of being stretched too thin, I am grateful for the margin I have in my life. Days like the recent busy day remind me of what it used to be like, and the chaos and overwhelm I used to feel. I will take the shortcuts that I need to take in order to take care of what I need to, even if it means I will pay for it later. I get to decide which things I want to let go and which things I want to prioritize when I can’t do everything. Soon enough, I’ll return to a state of calm and peace, in which I’ll save up my energy for the next challenge.
What are the compromises and indulgences you’re willing to make in order to feel better and make your life more sustainable? Fast food? Business class seats? Do you sacrifice naps or work? Does flossing fall by the wayside? I’m interested!
