The same old mistakes
Sometimes you’ve got to look back and see how far you’ve come. (Image by Noel Bauza)
Graphs and charts can be deceiving.
If you look at the jagged rise and fall of, say, shares of a company stock, what you see might cause concern. The value might appear to have dropped precipitously, so low that it’s impossible to recover.
Then, you might look at the y axis and realize that you’re observing the pattern over a single hour. When you zoom out to view a month, a year, or a decade, the lines look different. The volatility you saw in a short period of time is just a blip, a bit of variation in a larger upward or downward trend.
I’ve spent a lot of my life riding those waves up and down. I would make the same old mistakes over and over again. I’d see my choice coming and still be unable to make the better one. Did you know that it’s not a good idea to stay up till 3:30 AM when you have to be somewhere at 9:00? Me too! And yet, there I was.
Of course, I experienced the same types of problems over and over again as a result of my persistent mistakes. Short of money, relying on credit cards. Missing a flight because I had the arrival time in my head as the departure time. Not having clean, ironed clothes ready to wear or appropriate food to eat. Working too much, charging too little. Having to do a thing I was resentful about because I said yes when I should have said no. Much avoidable misery.
For a long time, it felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere or learning anything. I was constantly disappointed in myself, constantly scrambling to make my life work. I can’t point to any particular moment when things started to change, but they eventually did. They must have, because I’m able to write this now and look back on a phase of life that I’m no longer in. When you zoom out, you can see that rocky road I was on smooth itself out into a gentle upward trajectory, its slope increasing over time.
I still make plenty of mistakes, and they tend to be the same kind I’ve always made because I’m still the same person. I got a letter this week by certified mail, letting me know that there is a lien on my home as a result of an unpaid sewer bill. The original bill is $12.14, but now I owe an additional $6.96 for the cost of the certified mail. Classic. The good news is that I have now the time, energy, and money to take care of something like this, and I can just laugh at myself and get on with my day. In terms of the ticker tape of my life, it’s not as big a dip and it’s a quicker recovery.
These days, I’m better at spotting and preventing problems than I used to be. I’m better at avoiding situations in which I tend to make poor decisions. I think ahead, I plan, I budget. I’m no longer just trying to get through a day or a week. I’m not just dodging problems, but actually laying the groundwork for and enjoying the good things in life.
If you feel stuck making the same old mistakes in your life over and over, I wonder if you might see a different pattern when you zoom out and consider a larger period of time. You can’t actually backslide—you’re always moving forward along with time. Chances are, you’ve been growing and learning all along, even if the process is too slow for you to notice in the moment. With help and support, you can accelerate your progress and reduce some of the pain. You won’t be down forever, even though it might feel like it.
When you look back at your life, can you see the growth in spite of yourself? Maybe your ups and downs were more violent than mine, or perhaps your curve was more linear. Maybe you spiked upward long ago and stayed there. Maybe you’re in the blade of the “hockey stick” and still waiting for that inflection point. I’d love to hear in the comments how you interpret your situation.