To feel successful

Buying bedroom sets for the purpose of impressing others seems a little short-sighted.

Why have some of the most wealthy and famous people in history been so miserable?

It's possible that they spent their lives chasing money or fame when what they really wanted was love, joy, freedom, or peace.

Maybe they wanted to be respected for their art, but all they got was admiration for their beauty. Life is rough, isn't it?

We can learn from these people who attained the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow only to find out that it didn’t make them feel the way they thought it would. It's worth asking ourselves, as early into the process as we can, how we will measure the success of an endeavor.

However, the external measure of success is is only part of the equation. The other thing we have to do is figure out what will make us feel successful.

If our goals for success aren't aligned with what will make us feel successful inside, our best efforts at success aren't going to land. It's like we're turning the hot water tap farther and farther left without checking the water to see whether it has warmed up. That’s how someone can have zillions of dollars or fans and still feel like a loser.

Some people seek money, while others are looking for freedom. Some people seek acclaim or fame. You get to want what you want, but you ought to be clear about it. That makes it easier to determine whether the path you are following will actually yield what you want, not just a proxy for what you want.

If I’m amassing wealth and my underlying desire is for safety and security, I might not feel successful until I’ve purchased my own home or paid off all debts.

On the other hand, if my underlying desire is for freedom, I might not feel successful until I let myself use some of my hard-earned cash to go on vacation, or I make a plan to quit my job.

As we investigate what not just what we want but also how we want to feel, might discover that a particular goal isn't actually that important to us. For example, a friend of mine wanted to start a podcast. He thought a lot about what the podcast would stand for and what it would say about him. But when he reflected on it, he realized that all he really wanted was to spread the word about his work and reach more people. He decided that appearing on other people's podcasts would be an easier way to achieve this. He didn't need to have a podcast of his own. Digging into what he really wanted saved him a lot of hassle.

On the other hand, someone else might start a podcast because they want to be able to tell everyone that they're a podcaster. Someone else might start a podcast as an interesting collaborative project with a friend. For these people, it might not matter how many listeners the podcast has or whether it makes money from advertising. They're doing it as an end in itself. The outcome matches the underlying desire.

If you are undertaking a project because you want to be famous, great. If you are doing it because you want to serve others, great. If you're doing it because you want to make lots of money, great. Whatever your reason is, own it. Unapologetically build your strategy around the results you're looking for. What will do the trick to make you feel successful? Focus on that.

Our goals are as individual as we are. If we're not having fun or enjoying ourselves with our present definition of success, there might be something else that's closer to what we really want. Once we know, we can go for it. When are clear on what we're going for, we're much more likely to succeed. And when that success matches our heart's desire—when it makes us feel the way we wanted to feel—we'll find not just success, but contentment and satisfaction.