A story you're the hero of

I don’t need this kind of drama. (British Library)

Really good things are happening in my life.

A lot of the dreams I've had for a long time are coming true.

How on earth do I write about that? Who cares about that?

According to Donald Miller's Storybrand framework, people want stories in which they can put themselves in the role of hero. If I talk about the good things that are happening, I might just sound like I'm bragging and making myself the hero. And I don't blame you if you don't want to read that.

That's one of the problems with social media, isn't it? People write about all the great things that are going on, and maybe we're happy for them because we know them, but we're also suspicious about why they are telling us. It's as though centuries of social rules have been supplanted by a new humblebrag culture in which sincerity is just another tactic.

On the other hand, a relatively safe and well-established context for telling you about how well I’m doing is to make it part of a narrative in which I once suffered just like you and now look at how amazing things are. But that's a sales pitch, and I'm not making a sales pitch.

It's too pat an explanation for how life turns out, anyway. Another thing Donald Miller talks about in his book (which I hated reading but have a grudging respect for) is how nobody wants to read a story in which a person looked in the mirror and decided to change their life. We don't buy it. There's only a story when there is a reason for that change—a disruptive event or a dramatic conflict.

In real life, however, we can rarely point to one single thing that changed our trajectory. We are constantly seeking, learning, and changing in little ways, bouncing off of the flippers and bumpers of the pinball game of life. Then, a decade later, we look back and realize that we transformed without knowing it.

That's my story, and it's a boring one. The only thing useful that I have to say about my own transformation and the changes in my life is that it wasn't a dramatic hero's journey that would make a great movie. It was gradual and incremental. I had a vision in mind that I kept coming back to, and eventually, reality started to match that vision.

So I guess there's a narrative for you to place yourself in after all, even if you don’t follow my exact path: a story in which you are becoming, day by day, the person you want to be, as long as you just keep going in the direction of your vision. It's already happening, isn't it?

I've tended to resist big goals and life plans. Ten years ago, that may have seemed foolish. Now, it's working out. Or is it just that I'm looking for the evidence that it's working out? I'm not sure there's a difference at this point.

I could absolutely tell a story in which I'm a loser who has messed everything up, but the fun part is that I messed everything up and it still worked out. It must have—I'm here, and everything is as it should be. This must be the way should be, because that's the way it is.

And what about you? Are you where you want to be? Or at least, are you where you once wanted to be, even if you have now set your sights elsewhere? Can you look back and appreciate how far you've come and what you've gained? What is the story that, whether accidentally or on purpose, you became the hero of? I hope you can find a way to celebrate what you have and who you are—and to help someone else to do the same.