Today, I got over the pain of a project I had been procrastinating on.

I started a timer and got to work on it. Within just a few seconds, the pain was gone.

I had built the project up in my mind as something worse than it was. I kept bumping it forward on my to-do list, as though my future self would be pleased to see it there tomorrow.

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I believe that the pandemic has made me a more resilient person.

I’m able to handle certain stressors, like long-haul travel and government paperwork, with a new equanimity. Even my household chores are more doable than they used to be.

But this resilience depends upon rest. If I’m going to push past the bounds of what is comfortable, I also need to have time in which I’m able to retreat and relax, gearing up for the next challenge.

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I am having trouble concentrating.

And I’m tired even though I slept all night.

And I feel unmotivated to do my work even though I love it.

I’m reconsidering the decisions I’ve made and the plans I have. The flights I booked and the hugs and handshakes.

I’m thinking about illness and death. Looking at the numbers. Wondering about people’s choices. Feeling powerless.

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We had thought we were going on a sailing trip.

At least, that’s how it was pitched to us. But when we set out in the 38-foot Bantry Bay gigs, there was no wind. Therefore, the oars were distributed, and the ten of us rowed out of the harbor, stroke by stroke.

For the next six hours, we headed east over the gentle three-foot swells that were the only remaining vestiges of the previous day’s storm. For a while, we caught some wind and made way toward our destination, but the configuration of our sails made it impossible to sail upwind, and the wind shifted unhelpfully.

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There are a few factors complicating my sleep recently. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Some combination of the switch to Daylight Saving Time, a new medication, aging, and pandemic anxiety has left me with erratic energy levels and an unpredictable schedule of slumber.

Despite a full night’s sleep, I might be totally exhausted in the middle of the day. In that moment, I’ve got a dilemma: coffee, or a nap?

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