It’s the moment of truth. We’ve clearly identified a problem, and it’s time to pivot to solutions.

“Now that you see this pattern, what will you do differently?”

“I guess I’ve just got to try harder to stay on top of my work,” she says.

It sounds right. It sounds virtuous. It sounds like a reasonable thing to say to get your teacher/boss/mom/coach off of your back. But of course, nothing really changes as a result of “trying harder.” If the way we’re doing it isn’t working, trying to do more of the same isn’t going to help.

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Healthy, confident learners experience challenge as opportunity.

When faced with new information or a new skill, they lean into the pursuit of mastery. They ask questions and ask for help. They practice and study on their own and with others. Every retreat is followed by a fresh advance. They visualize their ultimate success and then, as a result of taking the necessary steps to get there, arrive. They ace the test, win the bake off, or join the ranks of the potty-trained.

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As a teenager, Claire Danes starred as Angela Chase in the short-lived American TV series My So-Called Life. She lives with her attentive parents and her sister in a nice house in a nice neighborhood; naturally, she eschews them and is drawn to the miserable kids with miserable family lives.

In one episode, Angela’s best friend, Rayanne Graff, gets dangerously intoxicated. Rayanne’s mother, previously established as cool and laid back compared to Angela’s very square, anxious mother, is dismissive: “You are too drunk, young lady. Way too drunk.”

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When I was a new music teacher, I found myself obsessing over materials.

There was nothing better than opening a slim, unmarked music book in order to present just the right piece at just the right time, for just the right student. It made my job so much easier.

The challenge was finding that “just right” book that had a dozen or so perfectly chosen and sequenced musical pieces. So I found myself, just about every week, heading up to Hutchins & Rea, an independent music store headquartered in the Atlanta suburbs.

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It’s taken me many years to see the pattern, but I finally do:

A teacher comes along wanting to be part of my school. On the surface, they are going along with things. In every training meeting, they agree with my points and agree to implement my feedback.

But in reality, they are going their own way. Their underlying motivation for joining the staff at an alternative school is to push against the status quo, and they keep doing it even once they’re on the team. In other words, they are wary of me because I’m an administrator. I must be the enemy, part of the system they are pushing against. Therefore, they seek to subvert my authority and ingratiate themselves with the students — often without even realizing that they’re doing it.

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