Keep looking

Reading scary stories may put you on edge. (National Library of Medicine)

There's a fear a lot of us have when we’re thinking about applying for a job, looking for potential romantic partners, or making a hire.

We are worried that we're going to get stuck with something or someone that is not a good fit.

Our concern is enough to prevent us from taking the necessary action to move forward.

It's understandable that we would be hesitant to commit to a situation that doesn't feel right. What we have to remember is that we don't have to commit.

If we don't find what we're looking for, we can keep looking. We don't have to settle.

It takes a long time to find the right person. Heck, it took me months to find the right company to refinish my hardwood floors. I didn't get it right on the first try. At this point, that's what I expect, which saves me a lot of disappointment and frustration.

If we expect things to work out every time, we'll find ourselves in weird situations that take a long time to get out of. Believing that things should be okay, we try to ignore our misgivings instead of jumping to the obvious conclusion that it's not a fit.

For instance, a friend used to have someone clean her house who asked a lot of invasive personal questions. Now, she's reluctant to have someone come in to clean her house again.

To resolve this, my friend needs to realize that she isn't a victim. She can choose to engage someone who is discreet. She's in control of who enters her house.

I know an incredibly gifted entrepreneur who will do whatever she can to avoid hiring employees because of prior negative experiences. Her business is successful despite this, but she's not behaving rationally. She's like the person who writes off all members of a particular gender because of that one crummy ex.

We never have to be stuck. My mother used to remind me that the only decision in life that's irreversible is murder. Virtually everything else, we can find a way out of, even if it's uncomfortable or messy.

We can keep this in mind when we're attending job interviews, going on dates, or sifting through resumés. Beginning a process doesn't mean we're stepping on a conveyor belt that goes all the way to the end. We can go to the car lot and still drive away in our old car, no matter how pushy the salesperson is.

Of course, conflict cannot necessarily be avoided. The higher or more specific your standards, the greater the likelihood that you will upset or disappoint someone on the way to getting what you want. People don't like being told no. The better you get at taking responsibility for your own feelings and not of those of others, the more freedom you will find.

We're told that bouncing from job to job looks bad on your resumé. We're told that relationships take work. You get to decide whether this conventional wisdom is reason enough to stay in a situation that you know in your gut is wrong for you. Whether you know on day one or day one thousand that you need to get out, you can and should. Your resumé will recover.

You might feel like the princess of Hans Christian Andersen's princess and the pea story when you reject all applicants for a job, decline to take on a particular client, turn down an opportunity, or say no to a second date. Well, maybe the princess had something figured out. She was finely attuned to her needs and, of course, lived happily ever after. There are worse role models.

Whatever you're seeking, you don't have to stop until you find it. You can consider your options without judgement. If something is not a fit for you, your choice to decline can make space for someone else to get exactly what they want. Eventually, you'll find what you're after. It may never be perfect, but it may be, in the words of another fairy tale, just right.