If it makes you feel like crap, it's not for you

This travesty hung on the wall at my parent’s house of years. I hate it so much that now I kind of love it.

I recently discovered an expert in a subject I'm interested in.

Studying his work has been intense. I'm reading his book, but I don't fully understand it. I understand the articles on his website more than the book, but I have to reread them multiple times to really get the concepts. And then, implementation of the new ideas is still beyond me.

Despite my difficulty in grasping this guy's work, I've been excited and energized by it. I get what he stands for. With every day that I spend pursuing the subject he teaches, I'm learning more and increasing my trust in his ideas.

On the other hand, I've frequently had the experience of checking out someone's work and feeling a bit ill, like I've eaten too much candy. Despite the outward signs that this person is admired and trusted, I feel unsettled. Instead of being eager or interested, I feel demoralized and resigned.

I spent a long time mired in moral judgment of the latter type of experience. Maybe there was something wrong with me if I had such a strong negative emotional reaction to another person and their oeuvre. Maybe there was something wrong with them—they were phony, too cutesy, too pedantic, trying too hard.

Eventually, I came around to the basic notion that if I don't like someone's stuff, it's just not for me. I don't have to figure out what's wrong with it or with me—I can just pass it by.

I think the reason it took me so long to get to this is that I felt weird for not liking something that so many other people seemed to like.

And I felt a responsibility to learn from someone who seemed to know what they were talking about.

Meanwhile, my own "thing" was so undeveloped that I didn't have a strong sense of my own identity. I couldn't say, "Hmm, looks like so-and-so and I agree on this but disagree on that." Instead, I just felt icky. I felt defeated, hopeless, and fearful that my own aspirations weren't worth the effort.

These days, I understand that if something makes me feel like crap, it's not for me.

When I truly connect with something, I feel alive and stimulated, even if it comes with a thought like, "Wow, I've got a lot of work to do!" No matter how overwhelmed I am by the new perspective and ideas, I can't wait to get started.

If an encounter instead leads me to feel like giving up on everything, then I need to click to another page, close the book, or walk away. Even if there are useful tidbits, the cost of acquiring them is too high. I cannot afford that awful feeling.

In taking this approach, I am cutting myself off from new ideas and experiences. That's okay with me. It's a big world, and I'll have other new ideas and experiences to challenge me. If I stop listening to a podcast episode after ten minutes because I'm not vibing with it, there are zillions of others.

Of course, once I've given myself permission to dismiss something that I'm not into, it no longer triggers that sense of revulsion and discouragement. I may not enjoy it, but I'm not yelling in indignation the way I used to do when a Hootie and the Blowfish song came on the radio. I can coexist with the things that aren't for me without feeling a sense of responsibility to engage with them or criticize them.

Whether I come across someone selling something I didn't want or espousing ideas I don't believe, my reaction isn't about that person—it's about me. That experience gives me information about what I care about and what I value. I can do something meaningful with that.

Maybe I'm the only one who's ever come across a social media profile that made me want to go live in a cave with no WiFi. But if you can relate to this phenomenon, you're clearly not alone. And there is nothing wrong with you, even if you're turned off by something that "everyone" likes. If it makes you feel like crap, it's not for you. If you keep looking, you will find stuff out there that will inspire and delight you and give you the courage to keep going. When you do, please share it.