Is it harder, or am I weaker?
“He hasn’t dropped them, forgot them, or anything. It’s just too heavy for Superman to lift.” - The Flaming Lips
I continue to fight my way valiantly through the challenges of life.
Or, at least, that's one interpretation of my current situation. Another is that I am struggling hopelessly with the basics. But I don't think that's the most helpful story to tell.
When it comes to difficulty, perception is reality. If something feels difficult, then it is. The basic respect I offer to my students and clients is to accept this. There's no "Why can't you get this?" or "But this is so easy." Often, their heads are already echoing with such statements, filling their hearts with shame. The least I can do is to honor their experience and their truth.
There are so many reasons that the thing we're trying to do might seem especially arduous. When we haven't had a good night's sleep or we're especially hungry, just answering an email can feel like an epic battle.
Learning differences, physical disabilities, and mental disorders can add layers of obstacles to a seemingly simple task. The distress we feel when we are unable to perform as we had hoped compounds the problem.
What's more, we might be carrying stress and anxiety as a result of the sheer volume of tasks, projects, and responsibilities we've taken on, making it difficult to concentrate on just one. Amidst the overwhelm and resulting burnout, we have no juice left to do what's in front of us.
I've spent some time lately thinking about why my current situation feels so hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm in good spirits. But I'm taking a long time to do things that I thought would be fairly routine, and there is some stuff in front of me that I feel like I just can't do. What's more, I'm so tired at the end of each day.
Of course, growth can be invisible. We don't see how we've progressed if we're looking forward, not back. The gains we've made become a part of our reality that we take for granted. So maybe I'm doing harder things than I used to do without noticing it. Maybe I have a higher standard of performance and don't realize it.
And maybe I'm taking the weight of responsibility more seriously, no longer naïvely believing that things will always work out fine in the end — not without a significant cushion of time, money, popular support, quality insurance, and good legal counsel.
These reflections are valuable to an extent. If I build a better story about where I am and why I feel the way I do, I have more confidence in my ability to succeed.
But I think it's important, too, to simply accept things as they are. I can offer myself the same compassion and generosity that I would give to a student or client, having faith in my own strength and capacity.
What's more, I can take action without the burden of believing I need to be the hero. I can make changes to my life and situation at any point to make it more manageable, no matter how easy something "should" be.
When something feels impossibly hard, that doesn't mean that it is. We can push forward despite the fear and frustration. But the energy required to do this is not something to take lightly. We deserve time and space to rest and recharge, no matter how easy we think the thing should have been for us or would be for someone else. This doesn't make us weak. On the contrary, we're getting stronger all the while.
