Adding or removing layers

Sometimes everything gets swirled together, but that doesn’t mean it’s out of control. (Image by analogicus)

I'm trying to get out a little bit more. I enjoyed game night at a friend's house recently.

I spent my first few months here in Atlanta working so hard that I hardly saw anyone. Now, with only two months left here, I'm wanting to visit with friends more often.

To do it, though, I have to remove some of the layers of routine that prevent my life from falling apart.

Then, when I have the opportunity, I have to add those layers back before my life actually falls apart.

Maybe some people don't need these kinds of mental models. They just do their lives. They prepare meals, take care of their bodies and belongings, and go to work. They do fun things or splurge sometimes, and buckle down other times. They plan for a rainy day.

Me, I need a bit more support than that. I need to be more conscious and intentional about my choices. Some of that may come from the fact that, without a job, I don't have the structure that allows me to simply follow the path someone else has provided.

Consequently, I have developed this idea of layers. Here's how it goes:

The inner layer consists of foundational habits. For instance, going to bed on time, staying hydrated, eating right, getting exercise. There's also basic life maintenance, like doing the dishes, doing the laundry, keeping gas in the car, and maintaining a budget. I have some work-related tasks that fall into this category, too, like writing for this blog, communicating with clients and colleagues, and showing up for meetings.

I can place additional layers over the foundational one. I can take vitamins in the morning and moisturize my face at night. I can get into new hobbies, do projects at home and at work, or train for a 5K. I can donate to charities, travel, and stay abreast of the news. I can go out and do things and have fun.

At my best, I can keep adding layers and everything keeps working. Instead of writing one blog post in a day, I can write two. I can do yoga before bed. I can handwrite letters to friends on beautiful stationery.

However, this type of effort is not sustainable forever. Eventually, I will get sick, get in a car accident, spend a weekend away, or have some other disruption in the routine that necessitates the removal of some of these layers.

At that point, I need to be clear with myself which layers I'm willing to remove. Otherwise, a few things might happen:

I might struggle to prioritize. YES to getting to bed on time, NO to handwritten letters to friends. (Again, I recognize that not everyone needs to think this way, but people like me might be having an "Aha" about now.)

I might say no to fun opportunities like game night with friends because I don't want to let go of my routine. However, something fun like that doesn't have to cost sleep and well-being if I'm willing to let go of some of the other layers. YES to game night, NO to going to the gym at 5 AM.

I might decide that maintaining a routine is hopeless and give up completely. This all-or-nothing thinking is what happens when I don't see layers and just think of every commitment as the same. Understanding the layers helps me break out of black and white: NO to pizza every night, YES to pizza once a week.

In my teens and twenties, whenever I was feeling productive and confident (or maybe lightly manic), I would develop elaborate goal-setting schemes that required me to do an unrealistic amount of creative and self-development work on a daily basis. ("A half hour each of Portuguese, piano, and guitar, plus an hour of writing, forty-five minutes of reading, and a three-mile run!")

This was obviously unsustainable. I never took into account the layers of work and life maintenance that I already had, and I didn't have a clear sense of which elements were non-negotiable. It was a bit of a house of cards.

These days, my carefully constructed life is less in danger of falling apart. I know what I need to do to get back on track, and I know what I can let slide. I can add or remove layers at will depending on how much I've got going on and where I can compromise.

And when things do get a little wild, I can relax a little and even enjoy the chaos. Because I understand these layers better, it just doesn't happen as much anymore.

If you ever find yourself with a long list of obligations and a small amount of energy for completing them, you might try asking yourself which items belong to a layer you can remove without causing harm. That may be just the reset you need in order to focus on what will make the biggest difference to you in the long run.