You had the power all along

You don’t need his outfit and accessories to be successful, but it can’t hurt. (source)

It takes a few weeks for some students to get used to working online.

Ernie, who hates to ask for help, claimed to have worked six hours one day in his first week online, when the evidence showed clearly that he poked his head up at 2 PM, dabbled in some schoolwork, and then went back underground 30 minutes later. When he showed up on Zoom calls, he was listless.

These kinds of avoidant behaviors are normal at first, even when life isn’t in complete upheaval. If we have always been monitored closely, we have to figure out how to get work done when no one’s looking. We have to gather our own motivation. And once we’ve done this, instead of waiting for help to arrive, we might be determined to find a way through a problem ourselves.

That’s what happened with Ernie. Recently, he logged fifteen hours of math in a single week (in addition to completing his assignments in other subjects). He has zipped through a third of the Algebra I curriculum in the past month, and he’s only in seventh grade. What’s more, he’s chatting animatedly about his progress on our Zoom calls, excited about what he’s doing and what’s to come. It’s a complete transformation.

It’s hard to point to exactly what made the difference with Ernie. When you’ve invested nearly two years in mentoring a human being, there isn’t necessarily going to be a single moment when a switch flips — the effect is often more of a cumulative, gradual one. But clearly, at some point, he made a decision to approach things in a fresh way. He let go of whatever narrative was holding him back, found something he wanted to accomplish, and turned his time and energy toward that. Now, it’s paying off.

We’ve all seen TV shows and movies where a character realizes that the the object of their quest has been in their possession from the start. Perhaps this type of plot is so resonant because we hope it’s true. As a teacher and a coach, I’ve observed that it is often true. We’re not as far from our desired outcome as we may think.

Sometimes, getting something that we want to be requires a ton of dedication and focus; other times, only a shift in perspective is required. And sometimes, it’s the hero’s journey itself — the long, frustrating slog through danger and peril…or word problems involving rates — that allows for the shift in perspective.

Any of us can do what Ernie did. We can go from misery to mastery by being willing to try. Along the way, we may be fortunate to meet mentors and champions and companions — and we’ll have our share of obstacles. But having undertaken the adventure, we’ll reach our destination eventually. Maybe we don’t have an amulet that will ease our way, but we have more control than we believe over how things turn out for us.

Ultimately, yes, I’m just reframing boring old self-help platitudes like “You can do it if you believe you can,” and “If you put in the work, you will get the reward.” However, having taken hundreds of people through the process of discovering what they are capable of, it’s obvious to me that these hoary old clichés represent profound truths. And I wish I could help people see that at the start, which is why I’m writing this.

However, maybe it’s as the good witch Glinda says of Dorothy: “…she wouldn’t have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.” I can tell you that you have the power — but you still might have to have a run-in with some terrifying flying monkeys in order to figure it out. Good luck — and may this magic blog post guide and protect you in your quest.