What if you don't have to?
Working hard to provide for your family is a meritorious choice. (SMU Libraries Digital Collection)
We begin as helpless creatures who can’t do anything.
As we grow, we add skills and responsibilities. Wake up, brush your teeth, eat your breakfast, tie your shoes, go to school.
Many of these “must do” tasks are never released — they become part of our lives forever. That’s why it’s incredibly important to question, every so often, whether we truly have to do the things we think we do and reevaluate our commitments.
For example, I might believe that I have to go to work. What’s really true is that I prefer the consequences of going to the consequences of not going.
If I stay home, I might simply have one less sick day. But if I make this choice repeatedly, I might cause serious problems for my colleagues. I might even lose my job and set off a series of escalating problems.
I have better choices if I consider the long term: What changes can I make to my current work situation? Might I prefer to work somewhere else — or do something else to earn a living? Even in the most dire circumstances, we can eventually uncover a little bit of latitude if we lay the groundwork for making a different choice in the future.
When we’ve evaluated the options, we may indeed decide to go with the status quo: “I choose to go to work.” Having recognized our choice in the matter, we can rededicate ourselves to it and feel better about it.
On the other hand, many of us live under pressure from layers and layers of choices that are entirely voluntary, if we would only acknowledge them as such. The holidays are rife with these kinds of “optional obligations,” such as sending out cards, buying or making gifts for a long list of people, attending (or hosting) parties, cooking elaborate meals, and allowing an elf to engage in an escalating series of Pinterest-worthy stunts in your home each night.
We don’t have to do any of it. We just have to be able to live with the consequences if we don’t.
Those of us who studied for exams and turned in all of our homework on time may have never developed the habit of questioning whether our obligations are real or perceived or whether they actually serve us. Once you begin asking yourself whether you actually have to or even want to do any of these things, it is the very definition of a slippery slope. I highly recommend it anyway. The freedom to question your commitments leads to the freedom to recommit to what you truly care about, making your choices more meaningful.
What do you “have to” do that is making you miserable? What would it look like if you didn’t have to do it? What would you choose instead? How would you deal with the consequences of your choices?