When the time comes

Of course all of us are happy about the new Dodge. Why wouldn’t we be? (Image credit)

Here's the greatest piece of career advice I know:

You don't have to decide whether to take a job until it's offered to you.

Everything up to that point — the research, the due diligence, the application and interview process, the negotiation — is not a true commitment. You may spend time, energy, and money, but you are not entering into a binding contract until you actually sign a binding contract.

And even then, most of the time, you can change your mind eventually. Everyone's allowed to quit their job.

A lot of us play different scenarios forward in our minds without taking action. That leaves us with a lot of missing information that could be filled in if we were willing to pursue opportunities and risk the possibility that they might not work out.

"I don't want to go look at that house because I'm not sure I'd want to buy it. Besides, I probably can't afford it." When we make such decisions ahead of time based on only what we know right now, we are limiting ourselves.

People do the same thing when they want to justify the choices they've already made and minimize the threat of change. "I don't need to hire help — I like doing what I'm doing." When we decline to investigate further, we have no option but to continue to do what we're doing, whereas if we made the hire, we could be free to do it or not do it, according to our desire.

Teaching math is one of my favorite activities, and yet I'm writing this while two trusted people (including one of my former math students who is now a student at Georgia Tech) teach math on my behalf. I get to teach as much or as little math as I want. The effort that went into hiring and training has expanded my range of possibilities and benefited not just me, but our students.

If I had gotten stuck in the process ("hiring is too much trouble") or in imagining a future in which I don't get to have what I want ("But I love teaching math! I don't want to do boring stuff while everyone else gets to have fun"), I might not have made a hire. And then I wouldn't have had any choices, which might have eventually caused me to resent something I once loved.

Changing is a lot of trouble, and so is the preliminary work that goes into it. However, if we can separate the preliminary work of making a change (researching colleges, applying to them) from the actual moment of truth (accepting an offer of admission), it's less fraught. We might even find that, once we learn more about what's available to us, the actual change isn't as scary as we had thought.

In fact, many transitions in life have a liminal period that gives us time to get ready. Births are preceded by pregnancies, home sales are preceded by a due diligence phase, and weddings are preceded by engagements. We don't teleport from place to place — we travel. We are able to emotionally prepare for what's new instead of instantly stepping into it.

There are certainly moments in which we are called to make a quick decision that will result in a dramatic shift in direction. But the choice to apply for a job, get help on a project, sell a home, or audition for a play — these are moves that do not send us inexorably down a path from which there is no turning back. These are just the initial steps on the journey, and they don't actually require us to commit to the entire journey up front.

We can move forward even if we concerned that we might not want the thing once we have it. We can look into an opportunity even if we think we don't really need it and should make do with what we have. With every step along the way, we will learn more and gain more confidence and courage. At the crossroads, armed with the necessary information and understanding, we can finally make our selection. But not until then.

We don’t know how we’re going to feel when that time comes, and that’s why we need to take all of the steps to get there. It takes what it takes. Anyone who is trying to sell you something, or sell you on something, knows that that is part of the deal. Thus, it’s okay if you decide to stick with what you already have — that’s a path as valid as any other. So is the adventure of something new. Either way, you don’t have to decide today.