New and fresh paths
Something I was never very interested in—until I watched Ted Lasso. (Image by Michal Jarmoluk)
I’m in transition.
Maybe it’s the call of the new season as the weather cools and routines change around me. The tourists and summer people are leaving, and the kids are going back to school.
Maybe it’s a consequence of yet another surge in coronavirus cases, upending my travel and life plans.
Maybe it’s something internal, like the hormones I cycle through every few weeks, or perhaps even caused by those very hormones.
Whatever it is, I’m noticing that I’m making different choices. When to wake and when to sleep. What to eat and drink. What to do for fun. What to do for exercise. What to think about, where to go, what to say. What not to say, think, and do.
In recent years, life has slowed down enough for me to witness these shifts as they are happening, as opposed to seeing them only in retrospect. I understand what is happening and make room for it instead of fighting to keep the status quo. I have come to realize that I don’t need to be able to explain a particular impulse in order to honor it—I just need to make room and follow along.
Some of these things have been vague and kind of silly, like, “I want to learn to skateboard.” Some are profound and urgent, like, “I need to start writing every day.” Just as I would with a twelve-year-old who has given me the gift of confiding in me, I must listen and respond without judgement.
I never thought I’d be the person buying $100 worth of cookbooks in a single go. I never thought I’d be interested in hiking for hours by myself. I didn’t think, a few years ago, that my work would be fully remote. I really didn’t think I’d be looking forward to spending the winter in Maine. It’s funny how we change.
As we change, we might face resistance—perhaps from others who want us to stay the same, or perhaps even from ourselves. What I’ve learned from watching a generation of children become adolescents, and adolescents become adults, is that there’s nothing that can be done to stop or slow the train. We are who we are and we become who we become. As Dylan said a million years ago, “Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command.” Interfere with the process at your peril. The times are still a-changin’, and so are we all, whether we like it or not.
It is a strange feeling to become intrigued by something you’ve always dismissed, to grow tired of something you’ve always loved, or to question a belief you’ve always held. Where do these impulses come from? What did we read, experience, or hear that began to send us in this new direction? Like the winds, the currents of change are complex and only partly knowable. Whatever cause we assign is just as likely to be a rationalization as the true reason for our transformation. We can’t really be sure, which is unsettling. When we turn around, we can no longer see our own footprints along the sands.
I’m glad to have left behind some of my former ideas and beliefs. Thus, I can see how easy it is to take for granted that change will always lead me toward growth. Looking at how the world gets smaller for so many of us as we age, it’s evident that this is not always the case. If I want to not just change, but grow, I have to make decisions that open me up instead of closing me off. Those choices might have to be deliberate and a bit uncomfortable rather than smoothly inevitable. However, even something small like listening to a different song than I would normally listen to, or reading a book recommended by a friend, can send me down a new and fresh path that leads me to more new and fresh paths.
I don’t really know where I’m going, which is part of the fun of life if we let it be. I hope to keep following the hints and clues laid before me to guide me forward, staying alert for the crossroads I encounter that present an opportunity for challenge and expansion. I could keep doing what I’ve always done, but that doesn’t sound like much of an adventure. I’m ready for a little of that.
What about you? What changes have you seen in yourself lately? What opportunities do you see to say yes to something new or to build a new habit? What might happen if you did?
