Supporting a child's learning
When my mother said that she wanted to pursue a math-related profession, people said, “Ew, why would you want to do that?” She did it anyway and served as her town’s finance director for twelve years. (Image by Lucia Grzeskiewicz)
My six-year-old nephew was excited about negative numbers.
He couldn’t say the word “negative,” but that didn’t diminish his enthusiasm one bit.
Over and over, I’d offer him a problem — a puzzle for him to solve. “If I have $5 and I give you $7, how much money do I have now?” And he would beg me for another.
Meanwhile, a friend’s five-year-old has taken to writing elaborate picture books. She illustrates and then dictates while her mother transcribes. She wrote as many as eight of these stories in one night. I am not exaggerating when I say that they are suitable for publication.
This is homeschooling at its most essential and effective: a child engaged in learning while an adult follows, guides, or leads as necessary. Unfortunately, there are so many ways that such a simple process can go off track:
The child’s interests don’t map neatly to something school-related.
The child is discouraged from “getting too far ahead” for fear he’ll be bored or academically lopsided.
Learning takes place only at predetermined times — not over a picnic lunch on a Saturday.
The topic is boring or uncomfortable to the adult, who either telegraphs that fact or tries to guide the child to something more appealing or familiar.
The child is steered back to arbitrary prerequisites or grade-level material.
Out come the worksheets to kill all joy.
The rhythms of school can be so ingrained in us that it’s hard to remember that learning doesn’t have to be “school.” And often, it’s better when it’s not. To my nephew, math is an enjoyable pastime, not an obligation. To my friend’s daughter, storytelling is fun.
Following the child can be exhausting in the short term and does not lead neatly to well-roundedness. The time, energy, and education necessary to make it work is a privilege that not all families have. However, in some ways, it is the easier and more efficient path. Instead of teaching your child to love learning, you build on the passion that’s already there. Instead of preparing them for some future career, you help them to accomplish their current goals, which inevitably leads to the next one and the next one.
That’s not to say that everything has to be fun all the time. On the contrary, an important aspect of school — and life — is learning to accept that we all have to do things we don’t naturally enjoy. But the lack of fun doesn’t necessarily make it more virtuous, just as the presence of fun doesn’t mean that we’re not working hard enough. There’s room for both modes of being. And it’s important for parents and teachers to keep in mind that what is fun for the child might be surprising to them.
It’s perfectly reasonable for adults to hit a point where they have to take a break from supporting a child’s learning. That’s when another resource (yes, even a worksheet) could be very useful. “I have to go help your sister, but look at this — here’s a whole story all about the Aztecs you were asking me about.” The point is not that we always do what the child wants, but that we align our efforts when we can.
I happen to know that adding and subtracting negative numbers is a fifth grade skill in the typical American school. However, I also know that this is an arbitrary recommendation. So I didn’t tell my nephew that…I just gave him more puzzles to solve. He ate them up — and totally forgot about his picnic lunch. An afternoon well spent.
