You are your child's first and best teacher

Learning is more important than tidying. (By Carlton Alfred Smith)

The mother of a three-year-old revealed in conversation why she didn’t want to teach letters and numbers to her child.

“I don’t want him to be bored in preschool,” she said.

Grateful to have the opportunity and invitation to educate, I suggested that she teach her child without reservation, just as she had done for his first three years. “You are his first and best teacher,” I said.

There are some areas in which hiring a professional is unquestionably the best course. For a surgery, I better have a trained physician no matter how routine the procedure; for a bus trip with thirty middle-schoolers, I’m not going to settle for less than a licensed coach operator.

However, without dismissing the professional skills and expertise of a trained teacher, it’s important to recognize that you, as a parent, already have a key ingredient to help you be successful teaching your child: She loves and trusts you.

Very young children look to you for cues about what is safe and fun. Learning from a teacher presents a barrier. It’s a relationship dynamic that the child is not used to and a person they are not yet comfortable with. On the other hand, your child is already primed to learn from you. You’ve taught her how to walk, talk, and dress herself. You’re constantly teaching her to navigate different situations, from the bank to the bus to the grocery store. In addition to directly teaching her what to do and how to do it, you’re constantly modeling skills like emotional regulation, household management, and problem-solving. She is always learning from you. Why should math, reading, or music be so different? You don’t need a specialist to get started.

Much of what teachers do is not relevant to your needs, anyway. A classroom teacher must learn to manage an entire classroom and plan an entire curriculum that satisfies the learning requirements of her district. This requires a specialized education. As a parent, you don’t have to do any of that. You and your child can explore and learn together, following your child’s interests and attention span on a day-to-day basis. You don’t need sophisticated teaching techniques — you just need to be there with your love and attention, as you have always been.

Anything you know, you can teach. You may not always know how to present the information, but there’s no reason to be intimidated. Teaching need not always be formal. You don’t even need books. The world is a fascinating and engaging classroom.

If you do want to learn more about how to teach, resources abound. There are plenty of books and videos that will help you to better understand the way your child thinks and how to guide her. You can also find topic-specific guidance. As you learn more about how children learn, you will be learning more about yourself, too, and becoming a more confident parent.

Regardless of the exact methods and strategies you use, you have something that a teacher, no matter how experienced, can offer the way you can: Boundless love. The culture we live in undervalues the impact of a parent’s love, but it is truly the foundation of all the learning your child will experience, with you and with all of her future teachers. Preschool is a wonderful privilege, but it is no substitute or replacement for the learning you and your child will do together. Have fun!