Still fighting

In 1890, people went to the beach, but it doesn’t look the same now as it did then. (The Library of Congress)

I once worked with a teacher whose primary focus was advocating for students and their parents, even if that meant going up against the administration.

He had left a public school job in which this work was a perpetually exhausting and frustrating endeavor. When he started teaching at my tiny school (only 25 students), he might have thought that he could take a break from constantly fighting for the needs of students.

Unfortunately, he was not able to stop fighting. Even though I had started my school for the purpose of serving students and their families with a minimum of bureaucracy, he was still constantly frustrated by my approach, my policies, and my choices.

Things came to a head one day when he attempted to stage a walkout with one of his two fellow teachers. Sadly, I came to understand why all of the letters of recommendation in his file were from students’ parents and none from supervisors. It seemed that he had struggled to build positive relationships with his past bosses, just as he found it difficult to build a positive relationship with me.

A similar incident happened at my music school with a teacher who claimed to have been taken advantage of several times in her career, working too hard for too little money.

Knowing what I know now, this would be the reddest of red flags, but at the time I thought I could help her to feel safe. Throughout our collaboration, I checked in with her often to make sure that she felt she was being compensated fairly, had the support she needed, and was working with the kinds of students she preferred. I wasn’t going to be like her previous bosses.

Then, abruptly, she unfriended me on Facebook and quit working for me. I never got the full story of what was going on, but it seemed I had let her down in some way. She believed (surprise!) that she was being taken advantage of.

These stories are hard to tell because nobody feels sorry for the boss. The boss is not a sympathetic character. You could easily read my accounts above and roll your eyes at my self-delusion. Obviously, I’m the jerk here. I’m the common denominator.

But while I accept responsibility for my role in each of these situations, I don’t think they are representative of my usual relationships with the teachers I’ve worked with. These people are outliers. And what ties them together is an inability to let go of the narrative that pits them against the powers that be.

I see a similar dynamic when people rail against the system in its various incarnations. For instance, a number of thought leaders criticize schools for their emphasis on rote learning and a “factory” mentality. These thought leaders have not actually updated their perspective on this topic in the past decade or more. They have not kept up with advances in education. They have not met the many innovative teachers out there. They have not toured the many schools, including public schools, that encourage students to ask big questions and explore untested hypotheses.

These thought leaders and their followers are not the forward thinkers they appear to be. They are behind the times. Like my disgruntled former teachers, they’re still fighting an old battle because they are in the habit of fighting it.

It’s seductive to go online, gather a crowd, and say, “no one is talking about this!” and then voice concerns about some aspect of women’s health, mental illness, injustice, our economic system, family structures, or generational trends. People will listen and believe you.

But it’s probably not true that “no one” is talking about this. If that’s the conviction that drives you, then you won’t even hear the others who are talking about it.

Enveloped in your own reality, you will be followed relentlessly by the things you’re fighting against. It’s an illusion, the way the full moon outside your car window appears to follow you as you ride along.

To break the spell, you’ve got to pay attention to something else. You can seek out the signs of progress and allyship all around you. It might not give you that same immediate satisfaction that fighting does, but it will be more beneficial in the long run, and more sustainable.

There are those who will always want to burn everything down. They will never accept authority of any kind, no matter how benevolent. I think they’re missing out. By now, I have learned to steer clear of them. But I will always be open to the possibility that they might change. They can if they want to.