Maybe I'm not a coach

You could just go around and around. But I wouldn’t advise it. (Image by Rudy and Peter Skitterians)

As a teacher, it’s important to leave space for thinking.

There’s got to be space for someone to figure something out; to mess up and self-correct, or to walk the paths mentally while pursuing a solution to a problem. In those moments, I’m standing by patiently. I know that merely supplying the answer is not beneficial. What benefits the student is actually the thinking that is taking place, and I don’t want to interrupt it.

Some teachers and coaches have interpreted the idea of leaving space for thinking to mean that their role is to only ask questions that lead to this type of problem-solving. But I don’t see it that way. And when it comes to business, I believe the “questions only” approach is really stupid.

The mentor-mentee relationship is a collaborative one. People don’t just want someone who will feed them all the answers, but they also want more than a silent witness to their process. If someone asks me a direct question, I’m going to answer it. It’s facile and ridiculous to respond to a question like, “How do I make a D minor chord?” with another question (“How do you think you should make a D minor chord?”). In that moment, when my student is fully engaged, I can simply share my knowledge. I can use that moment to build more opportunities for thinking, even if I give them the answer. Such moments aren’t scarce.

Now, if someone wants to know, "What career should I choose?” I’m not going to answer that directly. For one thing, I don’t know the answer. So I will, indeed, ask a coach-y question to continue the conversation. “What career do you want?”

When it comes to business, there are certainly plenty of these open-ended conversations to be had. But I find that leaders are just as often in need of specific, tactical advice. A fundamental belief of mine is that entrepreneurs and business owners should spend their time doing the activities for which they are best suited and delegate as much of the rest as they can afford.

So if they’ve hired me to help them, I’m not going to stand by and let them spend a lot of time flailing around. It’s my job to make sure they don’t. In light of that, maybe I’m not a coach at all.

If they aren’t sure which platform to use to build their website, I can make a quick recommendation. They don’t need to go on a soul-searching journey about it.

If they want to make videos but don’t know how, I’ll suggest that they hire someone, unless they’re looking for a new hobby. Sure, it’s an opportunity for growth and learning — but there are plenty of others when you’ve got a business to run.

Obviously, I can’t make all of the decisions for them. And I want my clients to have a context for the recommendations I do give. But the idea of getting them to do all of the work and thinking for themselves is a little silly. Business owners hire people so that they don’t have to do all of the work and thinking for themselves. And definitely not by themselves.

I know how to coach, but it’s only one arrow in my quiver. I’ve realized that it’s not always the most useful one. Sometimes, it’s necessary to deploy consulting, direct teaching, or modeling. And sometimes, it’s very much necessary to just listen actively and be fully present while they work through a problem. But not all the time.