Only some kinds of failure lead to success

There can only be one winner — but hopefully there’s a next time. (State Library and Archives of Florida)

When educators and coaches talk about the benefits of failure, we’re not talking about creating a $200 million film that’s a flop at the box office, launching a startup that uses all your life savings and runs up $100K on your credit card, or running for president and losing.

I suppose those failures build character, but those kinds of “place all your eggs in one basket” failures distract from the everyday struggles that really make the difference in our success. These are the failures in which we’re risking our self-concept and ego, as opposed to money and prestige.

For instance, suppose I really wanted to learn to work with watercolors. My current skill level at painting with watercolors is effectively zero. In order to create a good painting, I am going to have to accept and embrace the reality of the many terrible paintings I’ll create in the meantime. I’ll have to deal with moments of ruining a painting that was coming out pretty good. I’ll have to follow through to complete paintings that I know will be mediocre.

In order to be okay with the repeated failures, I must shift my focus from the outcome to the process. Instead of asking myself, “Did I create a beautiful painting that I’m proud to share?,” I can ask myself, “Can I find any evidence of improvement over the past week?” Framing things this way allows me to focus on the growth, not the failure.

When you look at your work in terms of the process, failure becomes irrelevant. You don’t think of yourself as a person who creates bad art (and will always create bad art). You see yourself as a person who is learning something new. That doesn’t hurt.

Failing a math test doesn’t particularly build character or set you up for success. However, trying repeatedly to solve a challenging problem does. Dealing with the discomfort of not understanding a concept and continuing to try — that’s what we’re talking about. Try, fail, try, fail, try, try, fail, try, succeed — that’s the pattern that leads to success.

Trying something once and failing — particularly something big and risky — that’s not where the growth comes from. Rather, it happens when you learn to confront repeated attempts to do something without frustration or beating yourself up. It happens when you let go of your need to be successful on your first or second try and instead, make room to actually get better through effort, dedication — and patience.

Where have you grown as a result of failure? And what new skill would you be willing to fail for? Let me know in the comments!