Letting yourself be who you want to be
At her first piano lesson, Sophie asked me how many instruments I play.
I thought a moment. “Hmmm…piano, guitar…ukulele…a little bit of drums…so…four?”
“I play seven instruments,” she proclaimed. She breezily counted them off on her chubby six-year-old fingers. “Drums, harmonica, shaker, tambourine, recorder, guitar, and, well, now I play the piano.”
You gotta love Sophie’s inclusive definition of “I play this instrument” as simply “I’ve touched this instrument.” Some might call it naïveté, but I call it confidence.
After all, experience is a spectrum, from “dipping the tip of your toe in” all the way to “fully immersed.” At what point does the governing body of musicianship allow you to call yourself a musician?
Well, there is no such governing body for musicianship. But tennis actually has many. In the United States, there’s the United States Tennis Association. And you know what? According to the official USTA guidelines, you get to call yourself a tennis player from day one. There’s actually a category for “I’m just getting into tennis. I have little match play experience.”
Why does this matter? Well, as a brand new tennis player, it allows me to be part of something. I feel seen. I’m explicitly allowed to say, “I’m a tennis player.”
Guess what: It’s true! I’m a tennis player. I’ve been playing for less than a week. Claiming the label of “tennis player” from the moment last week when I bought my used racket has led me to make choices I never would have made otherwise: I attended a tennis meetup! I invited my very patient aunt to play with me! I joined tennis groups online! Most importantly, I’ve played tennis every day. How could I not be a tennis player?
If I wanted to actually answer that question, I could point to my level of skill, which is what we can politely call “developing.” But labeling myself as “bad at tennis” and therefore “not a tennis player” leads me to make unhelpful choices such as quitting in shame.
When it comes to music, even though there’s no official authority on the subject that I know of, I feel qualified to say that Sophie’s right. She’s a piano player because she plays the piano, regardless of the level of skill she has. It’s an outlook that leads to more piano playing, making it self-reinforcing.
In truth, all of the labels we give ourselves are self-reinforcing. Therefore, we might as well make them work for us. What labels do you long to claim for yourself? What identity do you wish you could step into? What changes when you allow yourself to say it out loud, right now? For instance, “I am a dancer,” or “I am strong.” Try it and see.
Children are very good at embracing the roles they desire. I think that’s one of the reasons they enjoy playing dress-up so much. We adults would do well to learn from them — and to be respectful of the labels they apply to themselves. Who are we to question them?
I didn’t contradict Sophie. I smiled and agreed with her. Of course she was a piano player. I leaned in and showed her how to find middle C.
