Pick a helpful vice
Something seems off here, but good for them for staying out of trouble. (Miami University Libraries)
Here we are in late-stage pandemic. God, I hope this is late-stage.
Some of us have made it to the “other side” — vaccinated and ready to party — and some of us are still waiting. But it still doesn’t seem to be over, and there is no clear end point in sight. There’s no armistice to be signed, no bells that will ring.
In times of high uncertainty and stress, humans seek comfort. When our everyday circumstances provide little in the way of natural neurochemical highs, we go looking. Some of these are destructive even in moderation: cigarettes, hard drugs, dangerous places online and offline. Some of them are fine for awhile, but it’s a slippery slope: alcohol, work, gambling, gaming, TV, shopping, social media. My recommendation, for these last months or hopefully weeks of relative isolation, is to pick something to get obsessed with that will keep you out of trouble and might actually benefit you in the long run.
For something to have an addictive quality, it has to give us a hit of one of those yummy neurochemicals—generally dopamine—when we engage. Basically, we’re just the rat in the lab hitting the lever to get a food pellet. If the work is too easy and predictable, we’re not interested. If it’s too hard or unfamiliar, we have to wait too long to get the reward, and we quit. The best payoff comes when we’re in that Goldilocks zone — it’s juuuuuust right. Then, the activity becomes rewarding in itself.
The best video games, TV shows, and social media apps are designed to be the perfect mix of predictable and novel, effort and reward. But we can design our own enriching experiences to center on this sweet spot in order to grow and learn new things. It requires calibrating our materials carefully, seeking expert advice when we get stuck, and often persisting through an initial rocky “onboarding” period.
One of my most important skills is this meta-skill of knowing how to learn. It comes from my years of sitting side by side with aspiring musicians and guiding them through the process of learning an instrument. In the past few years, I’ve taken up tennis, knitting, crocheting, blogging, and rowing. In each case, I successfully pushed through the early discomfort of being bad at something in order to get to the point of competence. Once you make it to that stage, practicing the skill is as intrinsically rewarding as Roblox is to a nerdy ten-year-old.
The fatigue and burnout that so many of us are currently experiencing as a result of the pandemic makes it hard to start something new. We might find ourselves to be exhausted after only a minute or two of practice at our new skill. I’m here to tell you that this is normal, expected, and part of the process. It doesn’t mean you can’t learn.
What so many of us do is go, “Welp, so much for that.” What we need to do instead is congratulate ourselves on identifying the point of fatigue and then retreat. Then, ten minutes or ten hours later, we can go back to the piano or the canvas or whatever, and try again. It’s not the scene of a crime or an embarrassing failure—it’s a place where learning is happening.
Once again, you may fatigue (or get bored, which is a sign of fatigue) after only a minute or two. But you may notice that it’s just a teeny bit easier this time to do what you did last time. If you are paying close attention, that gap between what you did before and what you can do now will give you a tiny frisson of pleasure. Look for that every time, and you’ll soon be addicted to learning this new skill, even if it’s algebra (true story).
I have worked with a lot of students who roll their eyes and say, “But I should already know how to do this! At this rate it’s going to take me sooooo longgggg to learn this! What is the matter with me?” Don’t go there! That’s how you erase the pleasure of learning and ensure that you’ll never get off the ground with your new skill. Instead, you’ve got train yourself to enjoy your minuscule accomplishments. When you do, you’ll actually want to learn. Then, people will marvel at your self-discipline when it was really only that you tricked yourself into liking the work. It required no more self-discipline than clicking on a text from a friend.
Day by day, week by week, you will see that you can do more than you could before. In time, you will build enough momentum and confidence that your progress will accelerate. You’ll be in a virtuous cycle in which you will seek out your activity more and more, leading to bigger and bigger results, which in turn attracts you to the activity for more of that fulfillment. By that point, you’ll be able to navigate around any obstacles with ease.
When times are tough—and they are tough right now for sure—your helpful vice will be a source of solace, comfort, and encouragement. Whether you’re making music, growing vegetables, becoming a long-distance runner or building a chair, you will have something to turn to that brings not just pleasure, but genuine joy—and not just to you, but potentially to others.
My “helpful vice” right now is learning French. What’s yours?
