Down the other side of the mountain

Looking at this lovely scene, I just feel tired. Is public transportation available? (Image by Tim Hill)

Finally, finally, the rate of new coronavirus cases is slowing down in the United States and Europe. The numbers even seem to have peaked in India.

It’s incredible. It’s amazing. It’s something to celebrate. And, there is still work to be done and more hardship to get through, here and elsewhere.

After all, when things finally start to turn, you’re at the top of the mountain. You then need to go all the way down the other side of the curve in order to get back to zero. What does that mean for our emotions?

I believe that the post-pandemic era will bring some complicated feelings. There are those of us who will feel uncomfortable in indoor spaces even if we’re fully vaccinated. Some of us will be carrying survivor’s guilt. And others will wonder why we feel listless and bored, even though we are now free to go places and do things once again.

At the Little Middle School, one of the teaching team’s most important tasks is to anticipate and contextualize emotional trends for our students. For example, when we return after a week off, we might discuss how it is normal to feel a little reluctant to get back into our work and how we might be patient with ourselves. Or we might talk about how gossip, destructive as it is, adds a little excitement and intrigue to the day, which is why it’s so hard to resist. It always helps our community when we get ahead of these challenges and make them okay to talk about.

So let’s do the same thing here. Let’s talk about what’s coming, so that we’re not needlessly frustrated when it happens. Here’s what I think: Even as the restrictions lift and life returns to relative normalcy, there will still be a period of adjustment ahead — a time of going down the other side of the mountain emotionally in order to process everything that has happened. Maybe daily life will be easier, but it might not feel easier.

It will be nice to be able to go out to events and hug each other and travel. But along with these highly anticipated activities, we may experience a sense of loss. We may have built this moment of freedom up in our minds to the point where our expectations are too high. Maybe we’ve come to appreciate the predictability and security of staying home. Maybe navigating social interactions and obligations will be harder than we remember. It is perfectly reasonable to get annoyed and wish you had stayed home.

I don’t know about you, but when I think about vacations, I picture the sunny days and fun activities, not rain and standing in long lines. When I think about parties, they’re idealized and magical, not awkward and boring. I’m sure to be let down.

But that isn’t even my problem yet. I’m about to take a trip, and I’m anxious about it. I’m anxious about doing something that I used to love and be really good at. I’m trying to remember how to pack and wishing that I didn’t have to go. Meanwhile, I’m still easily exhausted in a way that has gotten all too familiar during this pandemic, and moving very slowly as a result. Of course things will get better, but I’m not on top of the world the way I might have fantasized I would be when I was fully vaccinated. For now, I’m just kind of muddling through.

And that, as I might tell my middle schoolers, is perfectly normal and okay. I don’t need to compound my emotional challenges by telling myself I should be feeling a different way. I’m exactly where I am, and that’s where I need to be for now. Accepting that is going to help me move forward with greater ease.

We’ve been deprived of choices for so long that to have them again might be overwhelming. If we’re ready for that—or any other negative emotion—it might be easier to deal with. Processing these experiences is a vital part of the period of recovery and healing that will inevitably follow this lengthy collective trauma. We aren’t all going to just leap into inspired action at the first opportunity, and we have no obligation to do so.

Let’s take the time we need, and let’s remind each other when we forget. Together, we’ll make it down the other side of the mountain and on to the next phase of the journey.