Breakthroughs and breakdowns
You’ll have to put down the musket in order to sit up. Then, you’ll have to strap the snowshoe back on in order to keep going. (British Library)
My biggest breakthroughs have happened during times when I was the most disciplined.
In those times, I was engaging consistently in an activity, like yoga, meditation, writing, or classical piano, that required heavy concentration and commitment.
Emerging from such a period of focus and follow-through was a key idea, decision, or opportunity that changed the course of my life.
There’s a bit of a chicken-or-the-egg conundrum here, however.
Did I set myself up for the breakthrough as a result of effective daily practices? For instance, was I thinking clearly as a result of writing or meditation and able to identify a powerful course of action? Did I actually call forth, on a spiritual level, the opportunities I was seeking?
Or, on the other hand, was my ability to stick to these daily practices the result of a fundamental groundedness and clarity of vision that allowed me to effectively manage not just solitary routines, but the big picture? After all, a week when I had the wherewithal to invest time in classical piano was likely a week in which I already had time and energy to spare.
Unfortunately and ironically, the upheaval created by the big breakthroughs disrupts my routines; historically, I have lapsed in some of the basic maintenance of life following these shifts. Never mind making time for Scarlatti or silent reflection; I don’t even pick up my clothes off of the bedroom floor. Everything feels chaotic and ungainly. The breakthroughs leave breakdowns in their wake.
Even during these times, however, I cling to a few through lines. At the very least, there is writing in the morning and again at night, and there is a daily prayer. Gradually, more of my systems and routines blink back online: Flossing. Washing my face. Doing the dishes. Replying to emails and texts. Tidying. Going to the grocery store. Little by little, the essentials are taken care of and there is room for something more.
Again, I don’t know whether the routines I am able to maintain create the groundwork for the rest, or whether they indicate a basic resilience that allows for the rest. Maybe it doesn’t really matter. When I am on top of my email, I am more relaxed and focused; I can’t always stay on top of my email, but what I can do is observe that it’s one of the many leading indicators that tells me how well things are going. Or, as a classic meme once put it, “On a scale from 1 to Nature Valley granola bar, how much is your life falling apart?” If I want to keep myself out of Nature Valley granola bar territory, I can do little things like bookkeeping and returning phone calls to keep me out of the crumbly zone even when I’m not in top form.
I like to try to strengthen a streak of competent, confident behavior. I can practice not only French, but Spanish! I can clean the bathrooms not just once a week, but twice! I can wake up before 5:00 AM every day! Inevitably, however, I do something to blow it all up: travel, a late night, a new project. That’s okay. I’ll ride a wave until I fall off the board, and then I’ll swim back out and catch another one. There’s always another one.
Right now, I’m kind of in the “waiting for the breakthrough” phase. I am playing music every day, cooking healthy dinners at home, going out for beautiful hikes, and nerdily clearing a backlog of voicemail messages. Heck, I’m even remembering to take my vitamins. There is space for something new to mess it all up. I don’t know what it is yet, but I’m ready.
What are some of the daily practices that are most important to you? Do they ever get disrupted by big events in your life? How do you find your way back to them?
