Why we don't achieve our dreams (and what to do about it)

Do you have a plan for what you want to build? (Deseronto Archives)

Parents who are considering one of my academic programs for their child frequently ask about assessment.

How will you find out what my kid can do? How will you know what she’s learned?

My answer, in part, is that my team and I eschew fill-in-the-blank and multiple choice type questions in favor of open-ended questions where a student can demonstrate her knowledge and skill.

The lack of structure means that the student must create her own structure in answering such a question. That allows us to see what structure exists in her mind and how it could be built upon or altered in order to improve her understanding. We can see not only what she knows, but also where the gaps are.

Visualizing and drawing your own diagram is a lot harder than labeling a diagram that already exists. Circling someone else’s answer is much easier than having to construct your own. Many of us need scaffolding along the way in order to get to the point where we can create our own work from scratch. Thus, students whine about essay questions and other open-ended assignments. These types of assessments are a higher level of challenge.

This explains why those who want to make art or start a business might struggle. If you want to write a screenplay, you don’t even have a prompt. It’s not the answer to a question anyone is asking. The rest of your life is fill-in-the-blank and multiple choice: Wake up to the alarm, brush your teeth, choose something to eat for breakfast, get to work, do the work that you’ve been hired to do. The screenplay only happens if you set aside time to work on it. The structure is totally up to you, and that is unlike anything else in your routine.

These are the essay questions of life. I encounter people all the time who would love to play a musical instrument, write regularly, or start a business. The’ve held desires like this for years without acting upon them in a meaningful way. That’s because there is no consistent structure in place to make their dream into reality. Without that structure, they won’t even notice that effort toward their desired outcome is completely missing. They might even forget their dream exists for periods of time.

Therefore, if you want to make a change in your life, you have to create the structure to make it happen. You have to set aside the time in your schedule each week so that you are prompted to do the work.

Then, to avoid a painful hour of staring into space and feeling sorry for yourself, it’s helpful to have a framework for how you will use that time (more “fill-in-the-blanks” or multiple choice).

This is where support is useful: Other people have done this before, and you can seek their help (whether through a book, a course, or a call) in order to ease your way. They can help you add structure to something that seems nebulous.

That said, knowing how to proceed is secondary. There are emotional challenges to work through and logistics to figure out, but those will be so much easier once you have made the commitment to the project and develop a habit of showing up to work on it. It will be less scary to sign up for a course or reach out to an expert when you know you have the time and energy to devote to making the most of these resources.

As so many underprepared test-takers have learned, a vague hope isn’t enough. You’re not going to just magically have the answer. You can’t snap your fingers and be different. But by making a plan and changing your habits accordingly, you can achieve what you set out to do. Even slow progress is progress. A big dream won’t be ignored if you leave a space for it — a blank that’s just waiting to be filled in.