The old rulers are out the window

We all have time now for carefully curated flat lays, right? (Image by Дарья Яковлева)

To be rulerless doesn’t mean “without measurement.” It means, in part, that we choose our own metrics instead of using established ones that don’t serve us.

If I try to stop measuring, it’s like the old “don’t think of an elephant” thing. No, I accept my urge to understand how I’m changing and the impact that I’m having. What I try to do is measure in such a way that I can highlight what’s working, what’s progressing, what’s growing, what’s developing, in realms that I have control over.

In this time of rapid and extreme change, some of my metrics aren’t working. Projects are on hold, sales are suspended, and some of my most dearly held dreams may never come to be. The idea of being “productive” is counterproductive most days. What does it matter when we’re facing an existential threat?

And yet, I carry on, as all of us are doing. There are tasks I can scratch off the list, such as paying a bill for one more month, that yield relief. I can engage in activities that bring a sense of accomplishment, a moment of joy or connection, or even an abiding satisfaction. And I am grateful to the people near and far who can make me laugh or feel loved. It’s enough for now.

The past few weeks have brought a new clarity as I seek to find a way to be okay amid the grief and disappointment of life in the time of coronavirus. It turns out that, at the most essential level, I have a very simple way to measure my life: I care about being creative and helping people grow.

I’m not sure that this was something that I understood clearly before. Now, the noise has died away. Things that seemed complex are now simple. And I see that even the opportunity to engage in my life’s work is a privilege that could be taken away, replaced by the need to simply survive — to keep breathing. So many of our friends and loved ones have had their existences stripped down to the monitoring and measurement of these basic biological functions. For as long as it lasts, it is still life, precious and sacred.

Taking it all the way to the edge, then, it doesn’t matter whether weekends are fun and weekdays are productive. It doesn’t matter how many emails I answer or how many likes I get. It doesn’t matter whether it’s windy or mild, whether I’m busy or bored. As long as I keep living, I will keep growing — and I suspect that will take place in ways that are hard to measure.

I hope you and your family are doing okay — even if the way you measure “okay” has had to change along with everything else. Take care of yourself.