When it's all a jumble

We’ve all got to come up for air eventually. (Image by thara58)

Those closest to me know that I learn through talking.

It’s something I have long been self-conscious about. It’s not the narcissism of thinking that everyone needs to hear what I have to say — I just need to say it. I need to make assertions and see how they sound — see how they land. I have to release ideas into the open, airing them out and exposing them to the light.

Recognizing this about myself took awhile — I just thought I was a bad listener. But now I write every day, record voice memos, shoot video, and pay people to help me develop my ideas. People even pay me to hear them. I’m still not the world’s greatest listener, but it’s gotten much better as I’ve created outlets for my own words. I can slow down and be present with the words of others.

Recently, I found myself in just such a moment with a fellow entrepreneur who was struggling to organize his thoughts. I held space, still and attentive, which is something I am learning to do more of. He apologized for going on and on and jumping around, just as I might have in his shoes. But I see something now that I didn’t used to: The solution for this guy is to talk more, not less. To gain clarity, he has to keep going, keep unloading, until it’s all out.

When we compose our words for public consumption, whether we’re going to publish them or simply share them in conversation, we are omitting a great deal. For some people, the cumulative effect of these unsaid words is a heavy weight that prevents them from connecting authentically with others. They are alone, with no one to help, no one to bear witness to the pain they are in.

Unshared words can lead to tragedy; at best, they lead to a persistent lack of fulfillment and connection that dulls the joy of life. Ironically, what we crave from each other, especially now, are the very stories of struggle and humanness that we might be least likely to share. We want the offbeat insight, the weird, unpolished art. We want to know each other — to feel each other’s experiences even though we are isolated in our homes.

That’s not to say that we all need to drop all of our filters. They serve a purpose; they protect us. But if your thoughts are jumbled and you don’t know how to resolve it, you should talk to someone. If you’ve got something to say and you’re scared to put it out there, begin with a trusted friend. At the very least, write it down. Get it out. To do otherwise can leave you stuck and “creatively constipated.”

My new habits of writing, recording, sharing, and advising have allowed me to find allies, champions, and mentors to move my work forward. I’ve also found myself in a position to support others in sharing their feelings and ideas. I am happy to see that I can be helpful in both ways.

Do you have more ideas than you know what to do with? Are you having a hard time figuring out how all of the pieces of your life fit together? Are you burdened by thoughts that you don’t want to pass on to anyone else? Whatever the jumble in your mind, there are people who can be there for you while you sort it out. You are not alone, and your ideas and feelings matter.