The question that gets me to do hard things

Maybe for right now, but not forever. (Image by Andrew Martin)

Sometimes, even though I have been a grownup for many years now, I balk at doing my chores just like I did when I was twelve.

My temper tantrums look a little different than they did when I was twelve, just as my adolescent temper tantrums looked different than the ones I threw when I was two. But they still show up.

I feel suddenly tired. I crave sweets. I look for something to distract me. I whine, even if there’s no one around to hear me whine. Sometimes, the whining takes place in my head.

I do, however, have a tool that I didn’t have way back when I was a kid feeling sorry for myself over having to write an essay or empty the dishwasher. It works almost every time to motivate me to act in my own best interest.

The question is, “How will I feel when this is done?”

This question moves me, intellectually and emotionally, from the misery of the present to the victory of the future. In that moment, I recognize my capacity to attain that victory. I acknowledge the finiteness of the task at hand and realize that what separates me from its completion is the thinnest membrane. I feel the satisfaction and relief of accomplishment. Why, the work is as good as done!

And then, like snapping from sleep into consciousness, I’m doing the work.

The work itself isn’t always easy, but once it has started, I am already experiencing the promised satisfaction and relief. Like a swimmer having pushed off of the side of the pool, I have enough momentum to make it to the next stroke, and the next.

What makes this successful is that I have enough wins to remember what attainment of the goal feels like. I trust that once I am underway, I will follow through.

It’s a lot harder when I’m trying to do a task I’ve never done before, in the same way that traveling to a new destination seems to take so much longer than making your way back. In attempting something new, I draw on my past wins as evidence that I can prevail, even when the path ahead seems to stretch on forever. Someday, it will be done. And I can imagine how I will feel when that happens.

There are times when I want to give myself a break — when I’ve been pushing so hard and facing so much resistance that I just want to quit for now. And I give myself that permission. But then I ask the question: “How will I feel when this is done?” or sometimes, “How would I feel if this were done?” So often, that is just what I needed in order to move through the pain and get into action after all. Suddenly, the work doesn’t seem so difficult.

There are many factors that play into motivation and achievement. Not all of them are easily addressed. But every so often, my stamping feet and balled up fists are stopped and redirected by the simple invitation to visualize a reality in which the work is already done.

How do you deal with your reluctance to do a dreaded task? I’d love to hear your strategies.