The opposite of work is not rest

Like everyone, I’ve had jobs where I’ve felt listless and bored.

When I started working for myself, I learned that I could pivot whenever I started feeling listless and bored.

I could hand off what I was doing and do something else.

This kept my work, for the most part, stimulating and satisfying.

Because my work was stimulating and satisfying, I did a lot of it.

Then, I felt listless and bored in my free time, even if I got enough sleep.

This wasn’t because I was burnt out. It wasn’t because I was a workaholic.

It was simply because I hadn’t arranged to make my free time as stimulating and satisfying as my work.

Once I figured this out, things changed. It made perfect sense that I’d want to find activities outside of work that I could get just as invested in as my work-related activities. I needed learning, growth, and inspiring goals.

So, I learned to knit. I took up tennis. I studied French obsessively. I got back into music. I traveled. I read books. I walked and hiked. I gardened. I took on interesting projects around the house. I spent time with friends and family (ideally, doing fun things).

Sure, I rested and relaxed. But in moderation. The fact that I was taking a break from working didn’t mean that I had to take a break from all activity. I wasn’t a machine, unplugged and stored carefully after use. As a human being, I needed much more variety in my experience.

Too much rest leaves me understimulated and morose. I am so much happier when I have lots of stuff to do. Then, when I finally take the time to relax, I can completely unwind. I can stare off into space and just exist. At night, I can fall asleep easily and sleep well.

Not everyone is like this. Some of us need to limit our work hours carefully to avoid completely draining our batteries. Some of us need hours a day spent in quiet contemplation. Some of us do not want our hobbies and leisure time to be productive, finding it too stimulating.

But the ones like me, who feel oppressed by the idea of a resort vacation or a week at the spa, will be happiest when we are challenging ourselves and expending energy. Why should our drive and ambition be limited to that which we get paid for? Why shouldn’t we go as hard outside of the office as we do at our laptops, if that’s what lights us up?

Jodie Cook has spoken about dividing our days into periods designated for our vocation, our obsession, and relaxation. The balance we seek is not just between work and rest. Play is an important component, and that play can be as serious and intense as we like.

For me, this looks like a few hours a day devoted to a passionate interest, not just a tepid, timid twenty minutes of dabbling. I want to see gains. I want to make progress. I want to be immersed.

I haven’t always had this kind of time for play in my life. Sometimes, household responsibilities take over when paid work ends. But when I do have the time, I treasure it.

I believe it is play that we’re seeking when we stay up late endlessly scrolling and swiping on the Internet. And maybe even when we’re tinkering with our brain chemistry with the help of mind-altering substances.

And we don’t just want quiet, peaceful, low-pressure leisure. We might want aggressive competition, a bit of risk, and even some frustration. We might want to push ourselves. That’s not hustle culture. That’s stretching our capacity and developing the full range of our capabilities.

We can play as vigorously as we work. And then our rest (and our work) is that much more valuable and meaningful.