When I tell people that I run a tiny academic program for middle schoolers (aptly named The Little Middle School), the reaction is almost always the same.

“Middle school? Oh, middle school is awful.”

Or worse, “middle schoolers are awful!” 

Why does middle school have such a bad rap? Why do adults have such miserable memories of these early years of puberty?

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There are a couple of key beliefs that get in our way when we’re trying to learn something.

The first is the belief that we’re not capable. The second is the belief that it’s going to be unpleasant and time-consuming.

Even when the first is tackled, the second can cause a lot of problems. Students who are trained to be dutiful won’t question whether there’s a better way to go about the task at hand. They assume that no matter what they do, they’ll be loaded down with a bunch of boring homework to slog through, year after year.

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I’ve heard a few different versions of the same story now:

“You get written up at my daughter’s school if you’re not wearing a belt! You get in trouble if you walk too close to the wall in the hallway. We’re frustrated with these rules and we’ve talked to them about finding ways that she can have more creative expression at school, but nothing seems to change.”

No, nothing will change. This is exactly what happens when there’s a mismatch of values between you and the private school you’ve chosen for your child.

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I’ve talked to many families over the years who have told me how much they love my school program — but won’t be enrolling their child.

It goes something like, “We love your school and we’ve gone around and around on how to make it work, but she doesn’t want to leave her friends.”

It is entirely possible that these people are just saying that to be nice, but I think there’s more to it.

It seems related to a logical fallacy that Cal Newport points out in his book Digital Minimalism. Newport suggests that people tend to be hesitant to give up an activity or situation that has any benefit, despite the unwanted downsides.

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Many of the students we work with at The Little Middle School and Rulerless Academy are seeking refuge from unhappy learning experiences.

Our job is to help them find satisfaction in learning again.

So many students have come to believe that being wrong is dangerous, asking for help is unwelcome, and that no matter how hard they try, they still won’t be good enough. It’s hard for them to trust their teachers, having been stung by indifference, hostility, or inconsistency in the past.

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In the classroom, if we expect the bell curve, that's what we get. You plant and cultivate a garden of average daisies along with a handful of roses and the unavoidable crop of weeds.

It’s a framework that many teachers and even parents are comfortable with. However, all of the individual human beings in this scenario are potentially suffering.

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