Strategic complaining

Even when things aren’t ideal, we can make them work when we must. (Image by photosforyou)

In my twenties, I lived in a crummy garden-style apartment. It didn't even have central air, which is unusual for Atlanta.

One Saturday, I woke up to about an inch of water in my closet. Apparently, the aging water heater had reached the end of its life. I immediately called the maintenance guy, Rex, and he came right out.

When Rex and I went downstairs to see if my downstairs neighbor, a young doctor, had experienced any water intrusion, we discovered that the answer was yes. In fact, he had spent the entire morning putting towels down. However, he hadn't called anybody. I guess he thought the water would just go away eventually. Or that I knew about it and had already called (or that I was flooding my apartment on purpose?).

It's been over a decade now and I'm still mystified by this. Why didn't my neighbor call the property management company after the first hour of water leaking from the ceiling?

In my work with teams, this kind of fortitude can be an obstacle. A leader's mature acceptance of irritations and frustrations might actually be hiding problems that need to be fixed.

The resignation and tolerance that an employee has adopted to cope with job stress, likewise, conceals opportunities for improvement of their working conditions.

Many of us learned not to complain or be picky. We learned that "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Thus, we develop a habit of ignoring or letting go of the things that bother us until they become invisible.

While it is a good thing to accept our situation and focus on what's working, there is also a benefit to strategic complaining. When we challenge ourselves to notice and name things that could be better, we are on the way to making them better.

No news isn't always good news. At my music school, I was forever finding broken things—a dented bugle, a wonky chair—that no one had said anything about. I certainly understand why a person would stuff something that they've just broken into the closet instead of taking responsibility for it.

The fact that another six people will sit in the broken chair without mentioning it—that is a deeper issue. Do we expect that things are always going to be busted, messy, and poorly functioning? Do we think it's someone else's responsibility to speak up? Do we fear being the "squeaky wheel?" Or do we not even register the fact that the chair is broken since such things have become the status quo?

To combat this inertia, we can intentionally establish a culture of "strategic complaining," in which people are rewarded for finding problems even if they haven't yet found a solution. Then, those who have the power to change things can work together to solve the problem.

Finding and fixing problems instead of accepting them emboldens and empowers us to find and fix more problems. Then, when we run out of problems to fix, we can turn our energy to making things more efficient and effective. There's always something that can be tweaked or refined.

"Everything's going great!" may be a true statement, but it is imprecise. If we dig deeper and ask a more specific question ("Is there anything about our family's morning routine that isn't perfect?"), we might get a "now that you mention it..." This kind of feedback is a gift. If we embrace it and respond to feedback about what's wrong, we invite more of it. This helps us to build a culture in which broken objects, systems, and processes are not tolerated.

Of course, once we know about what we need to repair or optimize, we're on the hook to deal with these things instead of sweeping them under the rug. This doesn't have to be a lonely battle, though. Just as the whole team helped to identify the problems that needed to be addressed, they can participate in making a plan for improvement.

When something feels off, we don't always want to face it or admit it, and we keep it to ourselves. When challenges come up, we want to be strong and independent and tackle things by ourselves.

If we are willing to talk about what we're seeing and experiencing in more detail, sharing the bad along with the good, we give others an opportunity to collaborate with us in finding fresh ways to correct mistakes, boost performance, or simply feel better. We may also appreciate having another perspective.

Strategic complaining goes right along with appreciating what you have. It's a way of saying that we believe things can be made right. When we trust each other enough to share what's not working, we give each other a chance to honor a shared vision for what could be. That's what we deserve, and we can work toward that reality together.