Respecting your own deadlines
Just looking at this makes me anxious, but I’m sure she breathes whenever she needs to. (State Library and Archives of Florida)
In fourth grade, I had to do a report on Leonardo da Vinci.
I still remember everything I learned about him in my research — he was a fascinating dude.
I also remember that I stayed home from school the day the report was due, because I had not yet done the report.
That was the first and only time my parents let me do that. It was merciful of them. You might say it was enabling, but I don’t think so. Because at the time, I had absolutely no understanding of what a deadline was, why it existed, and how it would affect my life until, in a moment of dawning horror, I realized what it would feel like to show up at school empty-handed. It was a powerful learning moment.
After that, I grasped the importance of deadlines, but I still procrastinated. I didn’t understand that Future Me would eventually have to do the work and that it would take a certain amount of time to complete, culminating in a late night in tenth grade trying to wrangle a research paper I was not proud of. Never again.
In the years that followed, I tamed my procrastination habit but still cut it close on deadlines because I had too much going on. I committed to things without acknowledging what I’d have to change in order to follow through on that commitment. As a result, I was constantly “just in time” for things — which often meant I was a tiny bit late for them, because you can’t just walk into a funeral the moment it begins — and I was constantly stressed out.
As I grew more intentional about my priorities, my schedule, and my life, I began to see that I could use the power of deadlines to reduce stress rather than stimulate it. I could change my relationship with time by creating my own deadlines and respecting them. Then, I would never have to worry about the more serious consequences of failing to meet someone else’s deadline.
For example, the city of Atlanta requires that all business licenses be renewed by February 15 each year. For each business location you have, you need to report your previous year’s gross revenue and your number of employees and submit two notarized forms. The entire process, for me, takes about three hours. This year, I blocked out the three hours on my calendar on February 11 for this work. That was my deadline. My reward was a little hot chocolate and considerable peace of mind.
I adopt a similar strategy to ensure that even projects that will never be urgent are completed instead of languishing on my “someday maybe” list forever. A few weeks ago, I built an entire website in a few focused hours in order to meet a deadline I set for myself. It went from an idea to done because of a deadline. Nobody cared about whether this website happened but me. There would have been no external consequences for missing this deadline. And yet, now that the website exists, who knows what its potential will be?
You could call my deadline arbitrary, but that would be missing the point. It was anything but arbitrary. It was based on my vision for the life I want to create for myself. I don’t want panicky moments and I don’t want to waste my time daydreaming about big ideas that never go anywhere. I want pleasant days and aligned action. I want to feel good about where I am and where I’m going.
I dutifully file my taxes by April 15 (ahem, October 15) because I don’t want to pay fines or do whatever you have to do when you don’t file your taxes on time. I don’t even want to know what happens. But that’s the deadline that’s arbitrary. My own deadlines are the ones that matter most. Meeting those deadlines prevents unnecessary suffering. Even more importantly, it allows me to build confidence and trust in myself.
There are those of us who do our best work under stress and pressure. That’s fine. We can learn to create that for ourselves in a way that doesn’t have to cost us our health and relationships. Like all important skills, it takes practice to master the art of establishing our own deadlines and respecting them. You can learn to do it, if you haven’t done so already. What would be the potential upside if you did?
