Preparation is still progress

Part of the work is waiting for the furnace to heat up enough. (Provincial Archives of Alberta)

Okay, y’all. I’ve been going on about starting a YouTube channel since May.

And guess what? I haven’t done it.

You know that I can ship my work — here it is. But though I’ve made moves toward a YouTube channel, I haven’t actually shared a completed video. And I find myself thinking about why.

And then I realize that, as a matter of fact, I’m on the path. It’s just taking longer than I thought it would, and the progress that I have made doesn’t look anything like a finished product.

Whenever I’ve been successful at something, it’s because I was able to see the next task and had the tools to carry it out. I’m able to share my blog posts because I sit down and start writing until it’s done — there’s no unrelated preparatory steps. A video, on the other hand, requires a set, a script or storyboard, lighting, and so on. Ugh, and makeup. So my instinct toward action is tends to be stymied when the action required is actually careful planning. it feels like a lateral move to me — or even a step away from the goal. I always have to convince myself that I’m actually doing the work instead of avoiding it.

I think that’s why I chose knitting over sewing. Sewing is mostly planning: Measuring, cutting, pinning. The fun part with the sewing machine is just a few seconds here and there. On the other hand, when you’re knitting, you’re spending the entire time constructing a garment, stitch by stitch.

Of course, even with knitting, careful planning and preparation is necessary. If you don’t do the preliminary work of creating swatches to check your gauge, your delicate sweater will be sized to fit a baby elephant. So I am learning how to embrace these planning steps as a key part of the process, just as sitting in the airport waiting to board the plane is just as much a part of travel as the actual flight. In fact, it’s faster than a road trip to the same destination, despite the fact that the road trip is, like writing or knitting, based on continuous forward motion.

I could put up a ninety-second clip of myself talking into the front-facing camera on my phone, but that is not what I want to create. The vision in my head is much more specific. Essentially, I want to produce a show. That’s a different ball game. Just posting videos doesn’t move me forward, just as getting in my car and driving south won’t get me to Argentina.

There’s an argument to be made for adjusting the vision, making it smaller and more doable and better-adapted to my circumstances. I could do that. I’m sure I will. But either way, I have to make a plan and do the work. There’s no way around it.

There are lots of other ways to share my musical expertise (which would be the purpose of the channel). I don’t have to do the YouTube thing, if simply sharing my expertise is the outcome I seek. But no — there’s something about this challenge that speaks to me, and this is what I want to do.

This kind of stubbornness can be annoying and frustrating to anyone who encounters it, but when it’s matched by determination, hard work, and planning, it can pay off. As long as I accept that I can’t leap to the “shooting videos” part — that I have to proceed through all of the necessary steps first — I can make this happen. I don’t have to simplify or break down the final project to make it easier, but I do have to simplify and break down the process I’ll go through to achieve the desired result.

I don’t want to do all that measuring and pinning — but I don’t want a misshapen garment, either. So I’ve got to accept that the planning and preparation is an essential part of the process. So, no, I haven’t launched my big show. But I’m making progress. You just can’t see it yet. And sometimes, neither can I. But I’m learning.