Permission granted

I went to Oia by myself. I had never done anything like that before. (Image by 5350755)

What would you do, if only you had permission?

Who do you need it from?

Can you give it to yourself?

Yes, you may hire someone to clean your house.

You may ask someone for a phone call instead of a Zoom call, or vice versa.

You may take a course on anything you’re interested in.

You may buy something frivolous just because it delights you.

You may say no, even if it’s going to make someone upset.

You don’t have to go with your usual order.

You may try something new.

You may quit an activity that no longer suits you.

You may discard a gift you were given.

You may move across the country or to a different one entirely.

You may bring emotion or humor into a situation in which it has been absent.

You may bring up a topic that everyone else is reluctant to discuss.

You may make a choice that someone else doesn’t understand.

You’re allowed to do things your way.

You’re allowed to change your mind.

You’re allowed to mess up and get it wrong.

Obedience helps us to stay safe in a world that we don’t understand. What’s more, it shows respect to those who are taking care of us. Obedience is necessary when we’re children, and it also comes in handy in the military and other situations in which we don’t have all the information necessary to make our own decisions.

Ideally, as we grow, our parents gradually give us more autonomy and a wider range of choices. By the time we become adults, all of our choices are our own (including any choice we might make to submit to a higher authority). But our parents might not know how to let us go. Or we might not know how to let go, ourselves — worried about messing up, we might be scared to be on our own.

Somehow, in the transition to adulthood, we stick to rules we aren’t even consciously aware of in order to stay safe and loved. We don’t realize that we can be okay without them. We might even be much better off without them.

One by one, we can let go of the rules from home and school that no longer serve us. We might be viewing our boss as a parent, or treating a business opportunity like it’s a dreaded homework assignment. Recognizing these patterns, we can adjust.

It may be deeply uncomfortable to make these changes to the way we live. We may piss some people off. But we ought to remember not just the downside of the actions we take, but the potential upside. What joy and freedom might we find when we question the way things have always been, and whether they must always be that way?

If you need someone else to give you permission to do the thing you are longing to do, it is hereby granted. But it’s even better if you can give that permission to yourself. And you can.