The choice to opt out

The things we do for the camera. (State Library of New South Wales)

Every once in awhile, social media is tempting.

It sounds great in theory. A place where I can meet new people, exchange ideas, find clients for my service, and learn new things? Sign me up!

And then I do sign up, and I don't like the way I feel. I don't like "consuming content." I don't like how the app is designed to keep me using it.

It doesn't feel like human connection. It feels like a dystopian wasteland.

I know that isn't the whole story of social media. I could learn to use it strategically, like those beer ads that say "drink responsibly." Well, once you have to be reminded to drink responsibly, you possibly already have a harmful addiction. But still, many people figure out how to harness social media to achieve a specific goal.

Good for them. For myself, I haven't figured out how to make this work. When I consider the sheer number of hours that would be involved in a given "free" platform, it seems like a very costly way to market a business or even to have fun and make friends.

The more distance I get from regular social media use, the easier it is to get still more distance. I enjoy the quiet in my brain that comes from a more limited number of inputs. That calm, and the level of focus it makes possible, is precious.

Looked at another way, though, this isn't about social media, per se. It's not about wasting time—it's about spending it. It's about choices. I choose to spend ninety minutes a day writing articles for this blog. Someone else could spend that same ninety minutes (or even a fraction thereof) producing TikTok videos. I've given myself permission to not do it all.

It's likely true that I'm missing out on opportunities and relationships because of the things I choose not to do. I accept that. There is plenty of potential upside in participating in social media, creating content for a given platform, or any number of other potential activities. Any upside has to be weighed against the downside, and a decision can be made from there.

Depending on who you pay attention to, you may hear noisy messages telling you to wake up and grind, make your dreams a reality, live your passion, work hard and think big, blahbeddy blah. All of that is optional, and participating in that conversation is optional, too. Opting out may slow the growth of your skills, your business, or your network, but that tradeoff may be worth it.

While it can be greatly beneficial to learn from those who have gone before, there's a certain freedom that comes from being an outsider and doing your own thing. All of the millennial women business owners who are shown posing with their their coffee cups, smiling into their laptops on their pastel-toned websites, are copying a formula they learned somewhere. None of it is essential. As Benjamin and Roz Zander said, "It's all invented." Being ignorant of what everyone else is doing in the first place has its limitations, but getting enough perspective to see that you don't have to be like everyone else opens new possibilities.

We all get to do life however we want, as long as we're willing to deal with the consequences. However you want to run your business, raise your kids, manage your household, make your art, and spend your career is fair game. While it may be appealing to be thorough and establish a beachhead on every social media platform, it's not necessary. Maybe people will miss you, and you'll be missing out—but you won't know and you won't care. That's serenity.