When it's time to make a change
Enjoy it until you don’t anymore. Then, the next person gets to take a turn. (State Library and Archives of Florida)
When someone buys something, it’s because they value it more than the dollars they’re paying.
And for the person selling it, it’s worth less than the dollars they will receive.
Somehow, through the magic of the transaction, more value is created for both parties than was present before. It’s a win-win.
Ideally, it’s the same dynamic in an employer-employee relationship. If I choose to work for a company, it’s because what I am getting in return is worth more to me than my time. Simultaneously, I am producing more value for the company than I’m being paid for. It’s an exchange that creates mutual benefit.
If this is out of balance — if I’m miserable because what I’m putting in doesn’t match the value I’m getting out of it — then something needs to change. Ideally, I should take action before I feel resentful about the arrangement — an arrangement I was once pleased to agree to.
A nagging sense that a business relationship is no longer a fit is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s often a sign of growth. We are gaining skills and knowledge. We are clarifying what we want and what we stand for. Our circumstances have changed. We’ve changed.
Unfortunately, many of us have been taught to believe that quitting is bad — it means that we’re being disloyal or giving up. So we stay in a situation that isn’t working, hoping that someone else will make a decision that changes it for the better instead of taking matters into our own hands.
In fact, we don’t always see that change is possible. We can get locked into all kinds of relationships when we believe we don’t have a choice. Does anyone feel thrilled with the value they are receiving from an ISP like Comcast when it’s the only game in town? You might be a nurse who’s stuck working at the one hospital within one hundred miles, or a nanny who is worried about how the fourteen-month-old you’ve bonded with will cope if you leave. You’re trapped.
However, when we take the emotions out of it, we can see that we do have more choices than we think, even if some of them are uncomfortable or inconvenient. Our discontent is a clue that something needs to shift in order for us to continue growing and becoming who we are — to ignore it leads to misery.
It’s painful to recognize that a job you once loved is no longer working for you. I remember when I began to feel frustrated by teaching back-to-back music lessons. I loved the kids and I loved the work, but I had come to dread it. For months, I clung on, thinking that I could just try harder. I was afraid to tell all of these clients that I couldn’t see them anymore. Then, after I finally got up the courage to do so, I had about eighteen months of discomfort and aimlessness wondering what they heck I was going to do now. And then I came up with the idea for the Little Middle School, which I never would have developed if I had continued on my previous the path.
What makes us outgrow a job or business relationship that once satisfied us? My answer is that it doesn’t matter. What makes a sleeping cat suddenly wake up, stretch, and then curl up in the opposite direction to go back to sleep? Who knows. We change in unexpected ways, and even the perfect gig may not seem as perfect in the future. There’s nothing wrong with that. It presents an opportunity for us to figure out what we want, advocate for ourselves, and expand into new territory, finding our next win-win.