Let us get to know you

You never know who is going to read what you write when you start putting yourself out there. (Image by Antonios Ntoumas)

When I was in high school there was no social media. There wasn’t even email.

So how did I maintain relationships with the kids from other schools that I met at music camp? Or my friends who went away to college and elsewhere?

We wrote letters back and forth. Actual letters, on paper.

It seems impossible now to think of putting in the effort to write a letter, put it in an envelope, and stick a stamp on it, but we all did it. I still have a lot of the letters as evidence.

Getting to know someone was a slow process that required patience. And in a way, it still is. But the mechanics of it are much easier than they used to be. I’m sitting here writing a letter that, with the click of a button, will be visible to virtually anyone in the world. Later, it will automatically be dispatched directly to anyone who has asked for it. Magic.

The result of this type of sharing has been lasting friendships and business relationships with people from all over the globe. You can get to know me, and you can write back and let me get to know you.

As with writing an old-fashioned letter, we each get to choose the specific information we will reveal. Over time, it adds up to a lot. A foundation of trust is thus built and reinforced.

Many of us seek only to be known to a select few: family, friends, a handful of work colleagues. However, as a result of their specific circumstances, even those who prefer a more intimate circle might have to cast a wider net to find the right people — the ones who share their values or interests.

Meanwhile, others of us have a hunger to share our art, our ideas, and our experiences more broadly.

The solution, either way, is to invite, however cautiously and selectively, other people to see our images, hear our words, and connect with what we create.

The more freely we share, the more vulnerable we are. This vulnerability carries with it the possibility of deeper connections — or broader ones, or more plentiful ones, depending on our choices. It’s a trade-off, and we each get to decide how we will navigate that.

For years, I didn’t want to let people get to know me. Even when I did share publicly, I kept myself hidden behind layers of protection: You can see this picture of a sunset, but I won’t tell you what I think about things.

Things feel different now. Speaking up is a natural part of my routine, and the connections that follow truly enrich my life.

Looking back, I spent a lot of years in my teens and twenties feeling lonely. I think it’s one of the reasons that music was so important to me — it helped me to not be lonely even when I was alone. I built friendships with a handful of people who liked similar music who happened to have grown up in my hometown, but it would have been wonderful to find others outside of my local area to connect and bond with.

While it’s possible to enjoy and benefit from one-way connections with artists, authors, and other public figures we admire, we have more of an opportunity these days to create two-way connections with like-minded individuals. That part only happens if you become a participant in the discourse yourself.

I understand if you want a private life that does not involve posting anything on the Internet. But if you have a longing to be seen and known, let us get to know you. Make a practice of creating and sharing for the sake of creating and sharing.

Doing so may seem pointless. It may cause you to feel painfully exposed. It may bring you negative attention. These are the downsides. The potential upside is new friends, new opportunities, and new connections that would have been unimaginable otherwise. For me, it has been worth it.