Learning isn't always fun
He’s going to fall at some point. (Image credit)
“Yesterday, she sat at the piano and cried,” said Angie about her nine-year-old, “and today she’s refusing to play.”
It didn’t take much to soothe Angie, despite how dire the situation seemed. I told her that I’ve cried at the piano bench many a time. It’s normal. It doesn’t mean that her daughter has had enough and should quit piano. On the contrary, it means that she really cares about what she’s doing and a breakthrough is on its way if she sticks with it.
Do we want a child to feel this level of frustration in their first six months of piano lessons? Of course not. But Angie’s daughter had been playing for more than three years. She was an accomplished player for her age who was setting big goals for herself.
Angie and her daughter were right on schedule in discovering that learning anything — an instrument, a sport, a profession — presents new challenges as you move forward.
Teachers curate the experience of new students, guiding them carefully from stepping stone to stepping stone along the metaphorical river of learning so that they never get caught up in the rapids and drown. We first dip a toe in the water together, and little by little, students gain the confidence to go deeper.
But when the student is ready to let go and swim on her own, the teacher can’t protect them from everything. The river itself begins to teach the student, and the teacher is a guide along that path, preparing them for what may come and coaching them through the unexpected. If the student gets a mouthful of water or catches an ankle on a tree root, the teacher is there to say, “Yep, that kind of thing happens — you can handle it. Here’s what you do…”
We can minimize the dangers as we go along by learning appropriate safety procedures. But if teachers avoid allowing their students to experience discomfort by keeping them in the shallows forever, the students will run out of opportunities for growth. Ultimately, learning is a process of facing and leaning into discomfort. In a sense, we become comfortable with being uncomfortable.
It’s hard to predict exactly when the going will get rough, because it’s different for every student. However, an expert teacher will know where the common pitfalls are and how to avoid them or get through them more smoothly. What’s important for the student and parent to understand is that it won’t always be fun — and that’s okay.
Consider surfing. At first, beginning surfers balance on boards safely on the beach sand, learning how to position their bodies. Then, they move to the shallows. But eventually, as they progress, there will be a lot of falling. It’s simply an inevitable part of surfing.
The best surfers in the world are the ones who have fallen the most. They are also exceptionally good at being wet, cold, and bored. That’s because in addition to balancing gloriously on the board, backlit by a breathtaking California sunset as they pump their board along the water’s surface, they spend a long time waiting for the wave to come along — and at busy surf spots, you don’t even get to ride every good wave. Instead, you have to wait your turn. Waiting one’s turn is the opposite of glamorous, but it’s a big part of surfing.
Meanwhile, what’s going on in your mind when you’re out there on the water? These internal struggles, in which we question whether we have what it takes, get mad at ourselves for messing up, have delusions of grandeur as we try things that are too difficult for us, or experience resentment of the success of others, are even harder than falling off the board. A teacher or parent can’t protect the student from these, either, but it helps to talk about them so that the student knows they are not alone.
Whether the challenges we face are physical, intellectual, or emotional, we are better prepared for them if we accept that they are unavoidable. For best results, we can actually embrace them as evidence of the progress we are making. We don’t have to suffer — but we will always have a bit of struggle. We don’t have to fear the discomfort and frustration along the path to our goal. It makes our accomplishments that much more meaningful.