How to find more satisfaction in long-term projects

Darkness doesn’t exist. It’s just the absence of light. (Image by Wokandapix)

Whether we’re talking about a business venture, an ambitious piece of art, raising children, or getting through seventh grade, some projects are so long-term that the completion date is “someday,” which feels like effectively never.

In such a situation, at mile 16 of the marathon when the finish line is a distant dream and the starting line only a bitter memory (How young we were then! How foolish!), we may find ourselves losing steam.

We may be tempted to quit — or worse, to mentally quit and continue to go through the motions. It’s just too painful to slog through day-to-day reality in light of what we hoped we would accomplish or where we thought we would be by now.

The solution this problem often triggers extraordinary resistance in my students and the people I coach. Will it be the same for you?

Here it is: Focus on what’s working.

Take a moment to appreciate how far you’ve come, your accomplishments thus far, and the help you’ve had along the way.

Find some small positive thing that isn’t broken or that came out the way you planned. Build on that.

It is easy to dismiss or minimize our successes. We humans are primed to look for danger first — it’s what’s kept our species alive. However, in the absence of bears and tigers (and chimps — they can be very territorial), we benefit from consciously reminding ourselves of the ways in which we are succeeding.

I’ve received all kinds of pushback on this idea. “I have to be hard on myself. Otherwise, I’ll just sit around and do nothing.” You know what? Maybe you actually need the rest. Maybe you’ve been hard on yourself so consistently for so long that you should sit around and do nothing for awhile. Maybe you need to experience what life is like when you’re not being yelled at by internal voices.

People wonder how problems get fixed if you’re focused on what’s working. Well, interpersonal problems are easily fixed in this way. When you notice and remark upon what people are doing well, that creates a virtuous cycle in which they are inclined to keep doing it.

Even systemic problems can improve with a focus on what’s working. If we can find some tiny thing that makes us hopeful, we have more energy to deal with potentially frustrating stuff. We can hang in there long enough to find potential solutions, and we might even be willing to take the first steps toward implementing them.

I’ve known so many people who have achieved significant success, yet they are preparing only to grimly climb the next mountain without enjoying the view. If they never take a moment to be satisfied, they will never be satisfied. To some, that’s virtuous; to me, that’s a a mistake. When you let yourself take in the view at the top, the climb has a greater sense of purpose. Satisfaction leads to joy, and that makes us more motivated to achieve great things, not less.

When we focus on what’s working, we will find the strength to step forward and make ever more powerful contributions to the world. We don’t have to be afraid of losing our edge. By finding satisfaction in our work, we are sharpening it.