What does it mean to be "good with kids"?
Some people do “bits” every time they encounter a kid in a social situation.
You know: The whole “got your nose!” thing, or asking their favorite animal.
Maybe these people consider themselves to be “good with kids.” Others don’t, and avoid encountering a kid in a social situation.
Either way, it’s an odd concept, since kids are not a separate species. To be “good with kids” simply means that you have empathy and compassion for your fellow humans. In other words, you try to imagine things from their perspective, and even when you can’t, you assume that there is still a good reason for their behavior.
There are always people who think that being good with kids means something else. A dog and pony show — magic tricks and riddles. Having cool toys. When all else fails, offering candy.
The reality is that putting on a show for people of any age is rarely going to be a way to genuinely connect with them. You may amuse them or delight them, and that’s a start. But what people really seek is connection.
True, you may not be able to connect with a child intellectually. If you really want to spar with someone about current events or the meaning of sophisticated works of art, you will probably be out of luck. But this can be freeing. With kids, you can form other kinds of bonds faster and more deeply than you can with adults. Physically, you bond by cuddling, roughhousing, playing sports, and dancing together. Emotional connection comes from activities like reading together, engaging in pretend play, and simply being present and shining the full light of your attention on your younger companions by listening, watching, and caring — and not being on your phone.
With the benefit of empathy, you know that people, no matter their age, want to be truly seen. Going back to your childhood memories, you may remember how much you looked up to adults just for being adults, and how much you valued their love and attention and were willing to give them your love and trust in return.
As an adult, it is a big responsibility to have a child care that much, and I can understand why people are uncomfortable taking that on. On the other hand, that kind of connection with others is what makes life worth living.
You don’t have to be an ideal role model or perfectly self-actualized to earn a child’s love. You don’t need to be young or attractive or thin or rich. That’s part of what makes it so scary, isn’t it? Children are actually seeing and connecting with you — the real you, flawed and raw. Your authentic self.
Start with the kids, and work up to the adults. Have fun.
