Getting ahead

No matter how much effort we put into trying to control things, we can’t get life to work exactly as we want to. (Miami University Libraries)

Every semester, the team at The Little Middle School lovingly prepares a detailed progress report for each of our students.

And every semester, I work so hard to ensure that I do not leave them until the last minute. If I do, I am absolutely sunk.

With twenty-something progress reports to perform the final edits on, they cannot be left until the last minute. You can’t leave twenty hours of work until the last minute — you’ll run clean out of minutes.

Therefore, I have to carefully organize the project so that I am able to do more work toward the beginning, while I’m dewy, fresh-faced, and optimistic. If I procrastinate at all, I’ll slide right into cranky old crone territory, hating my life and all of the progress reports.

For better or worse, I thrive when I have the sense that I am getting ahead. The thrill of it motivates me to push even harder. I am miserable and devoid of energy and enthusiasm when I start to fall behind, so I must avoid it at all costs.

If I have 25 progress reports to do, I’d rather do ten on the first day and three on each of the five days that follow.

It took me a long time to figure this out, mostly because being behind was a way of life. When I began to experience the feeling of being on time or even ahead, it was a revelation.

I’ll admit that this is a bit neurotic. It can be the impetus for workaholism and a constant pressure to do more.

However, as long as I am this way, I can work with it instead of against it. If I have a formula that is likely to keep me content, I might as well do what I can to follow it.

That said, I have to be emotionally prepared for the times when falling behind is out of my hands. Back in 2014, Atlanta experienced what is not-so-affectionately known as the Snowpocalypse: a traffic nightmare in which a couple of inches of snow fell and turned into ice just as the entire population of the city took to the roads at the exact same time. I spent eight hours in my car to make a trip that usually takes about 25 minutes. Plenty of people were stranded all night. It was traumatic.

I was working on a project for Khan Academy at the time, and I had picked up some slack from some of the other team members who weren’t participating much.

Well, after the Snowpocalypse happened, it took me a few days to recover. I just couldn’t think. As a result, I fell behind — not just on my own work, but on all the other work I had picked up. At that point, I became the one the others were picking up the slack for, and I felt awful. I never did get my mojo back on that project.

Knowing what I know now — that is, now that I better understand how easily I get demoralized from falling behind — I would have a lot more compassion for myself. I would find a way to reset the goalposts so that I could celebrate any forward movement that I was able to make. Most importantly, I would accept that the work was going to feel icky for awhile instead of being surprised and frustrated by that.

Last semester, I did have to experience some of that ickiness with respect to the progress reports. Despite the fact that I tried very hard to keep up with the project timeline, I found myself with a huge chunk of work to do at the end. It was so hard, but I did get through it. Acknowledging how hard it was really helped — so did a “dark ’n’ salty” mocha from my favorite local coffee shop. I lived.

I have learned my lesson, and it’s twofold: Get ahead, stay ahead. Run like the wind while you’re feeling great. But know that it won’t last forever. When you inevitably fall behind, be gentle and encouraging with yourself and just keep stumbling forward. You’ll catch up again eventually.