Advice from the dream crusher
When things go wrong — and they will — we should be ready, lest we find ourselves standing helplessly off to the side with our buggy whip. (National Library of Medicine)
Over the years, some of my students have affectionately called me the “dream crusher.”
I don’t mean to tell kids they can’t do things. As a matter of fact, I believe so strongly in my students’ ability to achieve their dream that I want to help them to separate fantasy from reality and get clear on what’s actually possible.
I’m not suggesting that they’re not capable or that they should settle for less permanently — only temporarily. I’m just helping them to acknowledge the constraints that exist in this mortal world. Even if our potential is limitless, time is limited.
For example, it would take more than six months for a new high school graduate to become an astronaut, no matter how talented or determined they are.
When dreams get big and lofty, I try, as gently as possible, to help people set intermediate goals that are achievable without wild acts of heroism.
When some of us get into a goal-setting mood, we build layers of hubris on top of our legitimate enthusiasm. We feel so inspired and invincible that we don’t stop at the possible — we expand toward the audacious. Success isn’t enough. We want to be on the cover of Time magazine and on the Forbes lists.
The energy and inspiration unleashed by a goal we feel passionate about can allow us to achieve more than we dreamed. I believe that we can make this energy and inspiration into a renewable resource instead of a dirty, costly fuel that burns out quickly. To do this, we should set goals that are attainable without the intervention of luck. Then, we must build plans that allow a generous amount of slack in the system.
We can set ourselves up for success in the long term by ensuring that we see small wins early and often. In this way, we can progress toward the big wins (and set new, bigger goals with each smaller goal we achieve).
For some people, this perspective is counterintuitive. Aren't we supposed to reach for the stars? However, having observed many people who set out on a long journey to greatness only to fall apart a short distance from their starting point, it has become clear to me that passion and determination only carry you so far. We ought to design our plan to avoid the discouragement of early losses. Whenever possible, we ought to anticipate pitfalls and be proactive in addressing them.
For example, suppose you wanted to start making TikTok videos. It’s easy enough to begin by making a few videos and then enjoying the instant gratification of posting them immediately. Buoyed by the thrill of something new and emboldened by a goal of getting to 100,000 followers, You might decide that you’re going to post three times a week — no, five times a week!
However, it's only a matter of time before illness or some other inconvenience throws a spanner in the works. Since you have no buffer, the first time you’re unable to make five videos in a week means that you’ll be unable to post five videos that week. The resulting shame sends you over a familiar cliff, and pretty soon you’re posting no videos at all.
How do we sidestep this? Well, Casey the Dream Crusher would suggest starting with a more conservative publishing schedule that you are likely to be able to stick to in the long term. I’d also suggest building a library of several weeks of content ahead of time so that a failure to create in a given week doesn’t mean a failure to post. That way, short term problems don’t derail the whole project.
Yes, I’m saying, ahead of time, that you won’t be able to stick to your plan perfectly. It’s a given: You will eventually mess this up on some level.
Some people absolutely hate this and want to prove me wrong. But if they make me the bad guy, they’re missing the point. I’m not saying that you don't have what it takes. Given that you’ve got what it takes, let’s build a plan that eliminates reliance on willpower, fair winds, and a perfect Internet connection. Let’s take your human fallibility and the randomness of the universe into account so that your talent and work ethic is given a boost by a solid, forgiving foundation.
By setting goals and creating plans conservatively, resisting the temptation to shoot the moon, you can create a bit of momentum and confidence that will, ironically, carry you toward achieving more than you thought possible. You might start out a little more slowly, but there will be no stopping you.
