Overcoming the tyranny of fear

The Soyuz TMA-17 lands in Kazakhstan in 2010. Easy peasy. (NASA)

Would you rather gain $20 or avoid losing $20?

Studies have shown that the relief of not losing $20 is greater than the satisfaction that we get from gaining $20 — or, put another way, that the pain of losing $20 is bigger than the satisfaction of gaining $20.

We humans tend to focus more on potential losses than potential gains. Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman were the first to note this phenomenon. They called it “loss aversion.” And if we’re not careful, it will rule us.

When we think back to pre-civilization when the margins of survival were tight and dropping your guard for a moment could lead to death, loss aversion makes sense. Risk-taking would be foolish for those who do have enough to eat but don’t have a surplus.

These days, our decisions aren’t usually about survival. However, our brains are still primed to think that they are. That’s why it’s so scary to do something new.

For example, public speaking is a fear for many. Many of us literally have nightmares about it. Every step of the process, from the writing of the speech to waiting for your turn to speak to actually speaking, is likely to trigger anxiety. It would be easy to talk yourself out of doing it. It’s safer to not do it. The benefits are unknown and therefore nebulous, while the fear is right here and therefore very real.

So what can be done? Well, what works in the short term is to take advantage of the psychology of loss aversion to play up the potential losses from not doing the thing: If you back out now, you’ll lose the respect of the event organizers. You’ll feel bad about yourself that you failed. You’ll be letting everyone down. Your cause will founder because no one will hear your message. Creating a scarier future puts the present in perspective and allows you to act.

Though this exploitation of loss aversion works, it still requires you to be driven by fear. You’re taking your existing fear and finding a bigger fear to motivate yourself. It’s the equivalent of, “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to really cry about.” It’s abusive.

There’s another way. It’s harder at first, but it ends up being more fun once you get used to it. It goes like this: In order to overcome the fear that otherwise would dictate our decisions for us, we must explore the potential gains we could realize from a given decision — gains which, due to loss aversion, are all but invisible unless they are deliberately examined.

After all, why would anyone subject themselves to the stress of public speaking? Well, if you have a cause you want to promote, speaking at an event could help you spread the word. You could make connections with people who want to contribute. You could inspire and delight people who will share your message with others. Retreating to safety does not allow your ideas to reach the people who might care about what you have to say. You’ve got to get out there. It could go poorly — but it also could be amazing! Imagine the satisfaction and relief you’ll feel when you finish and hear the applause. You did it!

It’s easier to see the bad outcome than the good one. Our ancestors didn’t create win-win situations with the bears that chased them or the deer they themselves hunted. It was life and death. But most of modern life isn’t like that. In many cases, we can intentionally envision the outcome we are hoping for and work to make it a reality. At the very moment when we are tempted to back down out of fear, we can keep our eyes on the prize and lean into the work, focusing on the desired result instead of the negative emotions.

This work takes practice, but it can be learned. We can teach kids to do it, too. As we seek out new challenges and come up against problems to solve, we learn that it’s okay to be afraid, yet our emotions don’t have to be in charge. We can create a life we are proud of, in spite of the fear.