The "real world" isn't real

People have different definitions of fun. We don’t have to adopt someone else’s. (UBC Digitization Centre)

There’s a reckoning going on in education and professional life. One might even call it a revolution.

What does it mean to “go to school” or “go to work” when you can’t physically be there? What do these entities really represent? What do they contribute? What choices do we have about how to engage with these institutions that we may have heretofore disregarded?

There have always been people who questioned the way things have to be. But now, new possibilities are visible to all. A new wave of adults is now seeking fully remote positions that allow for more freedom and control. And students, en masse, are opting out of the traditional system, realizing that they can be more efficient and effective learners when they’re not spending six or seven hours in the classroom only to encounter two or three more hours of homework later on.

Since most of us suffered through the traditional school system ourselves, there is always a bit of concern-trolling whenever this subject is broached. It boils down to, “Well, in the real world, you’re going to have to answer to a boss. You’re going to have to show up for work on time. You’re going to have to deal with difficult people. You’re going to have to be tough and you can’t just live the way you want to.”

The idea is that the artificial world of traditional public school, in which we are grouped with our age peers and sent away from our families to spend our entire day in an institution, guided from class to class by ringing bells, is the best preparation for what we will face thereafter. That’s hilarious.

I guess there are times in my life when I’ve had to answer to a boss. But the most valuable lessons I’ve had in life are the ones that taught me that I didn’t have to do things that way; I could question the way things are and try something different. I started doing that when I was twenty-one and haven’t stopped since. This “real world” that people invoke isn’t real at all. It’s a fantasy. It exists to scare people into keeping the status quo.

Many people find their places of work or school to be inhumane places where they experience bullying, micromanagement, or painful isolation. Contrary to what we have been taught by “the real world” advocates, we don’t have to suffer this way. Neither a career nor an educational experience should be a prison sentence.

For eight years, I’ve been offering an educational alternative to students who, for whatever reason, were looking for one. The transformation that happens in their lives is significant. Within days, they are happier and more relaxed. Within weeks, they are participating eagerly in classes. Within months, they come off of medications or resolve longstanding physical maladies.

Ironically, these students actually become more able to deal with the challenges they encounter. Instead of shrinking from obstacles, they are empowered to overcome them. Supported and accepted by their families, teachers, and classmates, they have a new, stronger foundation that allows them to handle whatever comes.

One thing that I didn’t expect is that a similar dynamic would play out with my employees. Teachers and administrators were likewise attracted to our humane, human-centered environment. Freed from adversarial work relationships, the members of my team began to realize that they didn’t have to suffer to get a paycheck. They could clock out at a normal hour, turn off their emails and notifications, and enjoy their lives. They could operate in their areas of strength and be treated like adults, free from paternalistic supervision. The same generosity that we were offering our students was available to all.

As people look back on abusive work and school environments, they wondered how they could have stuck with them for so long. It’s understandable, though. We have a strong societal narrative that suggests that quitting is weak, kindness is coddling, and work has to be painful to be worth something. We think that this is the way it has to be — this is the real world. But none of it is real. It’s all a distortion that we’ve participated in for generations because we think we have to. We don’t.

Releasing ourselves from the shame factory of harmful school and work environments can be incredibly difficult, but it can also be as easy as walking away once we see the truth. Not every educational environment causes such pain. Not every workplace is so dehumanizing. We don’t deserve to be treated that way — no one does.

Once we are free of the influence of the school where we we didn’t feel safe or the job where we weren’t valued, the real work begins: to develop who we truly are, to our greatest capacity. It’s a joy and a challenge and it’s never done. That’s the real “real world” that’s waiting for us.