Listening for the little voice that says, "Step away from the device"

Tempting. Source

When I wake up in the morning, if I have been unwise enough to charge my phone beside my bed overnight, my phone is the first thing that I reach for in the morning. After all, it’s my alarm clock, my weather report, and my connection to everything else in the outside world.

It’s also huge distraction. Every morning, under such circumstances, I have to be aware that every moment spent looking at my phone is another moment in which the traffic is stacking up outside; I’m not only delaying my arrival at my office, I’m increasing the total amount of time that I will spend commuting. Unfortunately, my phone is set up so as to increase the perceived rewards of engaging with it and to decrease the sense of immediacy I have about my obligations. With every click and swipe, I get a little hit of dopamine that creates a conflict: Will I listen to the little voice inside the tells me it’s time to put down the phone and go, or will I linger and keep hunting for the next thing that will give me that little neurotransmitter high?

While the smart phone is a challenge humanity has only had to reckon with since 2007, the challenge of navigating other dopamine delivery systems in order to engage with more, shall we say, slow-to-reward activities like studying for a biology test has been going on for a while. Students, in particular, have a choice they must make about short-term gains versus long-term rewards. There’s almost always something more interesting and compelling to do than hard work.

To resolve this problem, one must pay attention to that little voice inside that knows what the next right thing to do should be. This voice is easily drowned out by flashier, more exciting, more dopamine-intensive activities, but it is always there, and we can train ourselves to listen for it.

This voice tells us when it’s not a good idea to say something or do something, and it can also suggest to us when it’s time to do something — that now is the time to get out of bed, or go to bed, or start that paper that we been putting off, or make that uncomfortable phone call. The more we listen to this voice, the stronger, more assertive, and more confident it becomes, until it is a reliable, lifelong source of guidance for us. In this way, books are written, Olympic medals are won, and homes are tidied.

If you do not have such a voice well-developed in your head, an alternative is to work with a teacher or coach and borrow their voice. A teacher, coach, or parent can help us to learn what needs to be done and when and how to push through something that’s frustrating or boring. We don’t always appreciate these external voices, but over time, they contribute to our internal process.

We do need to be careful in deliberately designing the voice in our head to be kind and encouraging as well as assertive. A voice that is assertive and yet lacks compassion may help you to accomplish the things you’ve set out to do, but you’ll feel terrible doing them. If your goal is to be happy and joyful while accomplishing the things that matter in your life, a voice that barks orders at you and refuses to acknowledge your successes is counterproductive in the long run.

On the other hand, when a students learn that she can please the voice — when the voice actually responds to her effort by becoming satisfied and silent — good habits are built over time. The student will begin to get a little hit of dopamine not only by avoiding a task to do more exciting things, but from actually accomplishing a difficult task. And once the student develops a taste for how satisfying this kind of accomplishment can be, she’s well on her way to being a successful human.

It is important for those of us who are teachers, parents and coaches to not only support the people we mentor by guiding them toward what needs to be done and how best to do it, but also to instill in them and awareness of their own internal guidance and their own developing inner voice that will help them accomplish things without outside intervention. This is perhaps the most critical role of a teacher, parent, or coach. We can teach this skill explicitly in order to develop it more quickly. In this way, we have empowered students to care about and follow through on their work on their own terms, not ours. Once again, we’ve created that virtuous cycle in which students enjoy hard work and seek it out on their own.

Where do you notice your inner voice most strongly? Under what circumstances do you tend to be tempted to ignore it? Let me know in the comments!