Pumping, not pushing

When you push a kid on the swings, be ready for feedback.

“Faster! Higher! Higher!” It’s never enough, but they love it anyway.

To push someone in the metaphorical sense is the opposite of what it is to push someone on the swings. To push someone metaphorically is to effectively coerce them into doing something they would not normally have done, whereas the pushing that happens with respect to the swing set is invited and encouraged. It’s collaboration.

I’m sitting here trying to think of a single story to tell in which I’ve pushed someone in the metaphorical sense and it had a positive outcome. I can’t find one. I can’t think of a case in which someone’s pushed me significantly, either — it wasn’t really part of my childhood.

The best moments are the collaborative ones, where two or more people are working together to improve or create something that they are both invested in. If one person has to push another in order to get them to participate, it’s no fun — it’s Weekend at Bernie’s. But if everyone is on board, you’ll find that you easily push yourselves and achieve more than you otherwise would have.

When you push yourself, you’re like the kid on the swings who has learned to pump. You have total control of how fast and how high you go. If you’re getting tired or not having fun anymore, you stop. When you want to go again, you start pumping.

If you’re working to build a habit, you’ll get the best results when you’re pumping. If you’re dragging your feet and don’t really want to do it, then the habit you’re trying to build is unsustainable. You’re better off trying to find a different way to approach the challenge than to simply push through. Break it down, start with something easier, or change your strategy completely.

What if you’re dealing with someone else who won’t do the work? The best thing you can do is teach them to pump and why they would want to. Why would they want to? Because you’ve stopped pushing. If they don’t want to just hang there in the air, they’ll have to get their own legs working.

The transition may be difficult, but it’s necessary. To help someone become strong, independent, and self-motivated, you have to stop pushing. Let go and watch them fly.