Are you making observations or judgments?

Bug or beauty? (Image by DomenicBlair from Pixabay)

We are all multidimensional, complex human beings.

I know that I am — so I can reasonably conclude that you are. It’s only logical. But sometimes, we simplify people for our own convenience.

The lady on the train is inconsiderate. The guy behind the desk is brusque. The kids are unruly. The girl is sweet.

We label a behavior or trait and then label the person, defining them accordingly.

Whether positive or negative, these judgments are destructive. Such judgements erase the complexity of our fellow human beings and reduce our capacity to see the nuances of others’ personality, behavior, and growth.

Those of us who work with children need to be especially careful about this. We must seek to make observations rather than judgments.

If we focus on making observations, we may see that multiple interpretations of a situation are possible. Our observations can lead us to far more interesting and useful places than our judgments.

For example, we might think that a student is being lazy.

At least we’re not saying that the student is lazy. We’re judging the behavior and not the child. But we can go deeper by asking, “What is the observed behavior?”

The student didn’t turn in an assignment that was due. He chose a seat in the back corner of the room. He had to be reminded to get out his notebook and pen in order to take notes during class. He was slumped down in his chair and didn’t contribute to the class discussion. He took only four lines of notes and repeatedly looked out the window during class.

We could certainly put all of these behaviors into the bucket of “laziness,” but we are much more likely to help the student if we don’t.

Let’s not approach the student and say, “You’re being very lazy — what’s going on?” We’ll probably be met with defensiveness and anger.

We’re going to be more helpful if we say, “You didn’t turn in your assignment and you didn’t take many notes or contribute during class. You chose a seat at the back and were slumped down and looking out the window. What’s going on?”

The student can argue with your judgment of “lazy,” but they won’t be able to argue with your observations. If you are speaking kindly and with genuine concern, you are much more likely to engage the student in a meaningful conversation about the reasons for their behavior, ranging from, “My parents were fighting last night,” to “I woke up too late to eat breakfast or do my homework,” or “I am completely lost in this class,” to “Having been abducted by aliens, I was returned to earth only about thirty minutes ago.”

Each of these responses points to a different problem with a different solution. It’s not necessarily up to the teacher to fix every one of them, but some of them might fall under our purview and give us an opportunity to help improve the outcome for that student.

Sharing observations not only improves our ability to support students, it helps us to communicate clearly with parents and colleagues. No parent wants to be told that her child is rude or nasty, so you better have time-stamped observations to provide. And while admissions committee of the highly selective summer STEM camp will be glad to know that the prospective student is “a good kid,” they will require more substantial and specific praise in order to accept him into the program.

Over time, shifting from judgements to observations will change the way you perceive the people around you. You will see potential instead of problems, humanity instead of hassle. You may even develop more compassion for yourself.