No room to figure out tomorrow

“And their empire crumbled till all that was left were the stones the workmen found.” - Sting

The reason I publish five blog posts a week is because it gets me to write five blog posts a week.

Otherwise, I wouldn’t. There are always more important or urgent things to do — like mowing the lawn. And sleep.

I know not everyone operates this way, and not everyone has to, but for me, publishing is the catalyst of creation. I publish so that the ideas show up.

Now, I’ve stepped it up. Eight long (but fast!) weeks of publishing three videos a day on TikTok. It’s absurd. Between the blog and the videos, most of my time is spent making things.

And you know what? I am so, so, happy. I’m experiencing a continual flow of ideas. I’m connecting with new people all the time. I’m growing in confidence and clarity. It feels really good.

I have no idea how long I’ll be able to keep up this pace. Not too much longer, I think. But I’ll be sad to end this summer of constant creation. It’s been wonderful.

This unsustainable publishing schedule has challenged some of my established beliefs and practices. What I would normally recommend, in order to be able to stick to a consistent schedule of posting content, is to try to “get ahead” and develop a queue. That way, you’re not showing up day-of and wondering what you’re going to post that day.

But in my current situation, getting ahead has been pretty much impossible. When you’re spending nearly all of your time creating, you can’t build a buffer. You put all your energy into figuring out what you’re going to share that day, and then share it. There’s no room to figure out tomorrow until tomorrow comes.

The implications of that are deeper than the risk of missing a day, which is actually feeling pretty unimportant. I often talk about how streaks are overrated. What matters more is the overall effort over time you’re putting in.

I have mastered the streaks and the overall effort. So then the question is: What next?

Not sharing your work is a form of hiding. At what point does sharing your work become a form of hiding?

In other words, what might I be overlooking in the intensity of my creative drive? Where is the most powerful growth opportunity for me? Where might I challenge myself at a higher level?

What is the work I’m doing preventing me from doing?

I don’t really think these are answerable questions, but they’re worth asking. Given that all of my energy is going into simply moving, then navigating becomes a challenge. I’m trying to stay alert for the clues as to where I’m headed.

I can’t help but notice that that makes me sound like a passenger, not the driver. Is that a problem? In George Harrison’s “Any Road,” he reminds us, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” This is both an opportunity and a cautionary tale. I have yet to determine which applies for me at the moment.

That said, I’ve learned the pitfalls of being too prescriptive about my life and career. It seems logical to just pick something and go all in on it, but eventually I end up feeling like I’m making good time going north on the highway when my gut was telling me to go south.

Therefore, I meander. I put my energy into the present, doing what needs to be done today. I fill up my time with enough stuff that I can’t worry too much about tomorrow. I’m experiencing, exploring, and experimenting.

For now, I think this is okay. The biggest moves I’ve made in my life have hit me out of the blue, anyway. They were obvious and undeniable. In the absence of these signs, I guess I’ll just go with the flow.

Sometimes, when I’m contemplating the options in front of me, I’ll consider how I would advise someone else. Based on my values, my advice always comes down to, “As long as your bills are paid, do what will bring you joy.” It’s a simple idea, but acting in alignment with it often results in choices that doesn’t make sense to others. And it is not always the way to maximum success fame and fortune.

So right now, I’ll do what brings me joy even though it’s weird and uncertain. And if you’d like permission to do the same, here it is. We’ll figure out our lives together, one day at a time.