It's okay to feel okay

Our challenge is to find this feeling without hiking.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote that it’s okay if you can’t do much right now. It’s okay to be in survival mode.

But there’s another message, which is that it’s okay to have some energy and focus to accomplish things.

Not that you need my permission for anything. I’m just pointing out the truth.

I am fortunate to not be sick. However, for a period of about two weeks, I had little appetite and little energy. “Working” meant periods of trying to concentrate, followed by periods of staring off into space. I cried often — not a lot, but for thirty seconds here or there (that’s what grief looks like for me sometimes). No matter how early I went to bed, I couldn’t seem to get enough sleep to feel rested.

Then, one day, I felt kind of normal. I felt lighter. I could think. I still cycled through feelings of grief and fear, especially when I read the news, but I could recover more easily. And I still felt intense fatigue at times. But I spent more time feeling like myself.

I don’t know how long this feeling of well-being will stick around, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts. I’m tidying up, getting some work done, reaching out to friends. I’m doing more than the minimum.

Each of us is having a different personal experience in the midst of a massive shared collective experience. There are certain things we all should do, like stay home if and when we can and isolate ourselves from those not in our household. But there’s no particular way you should feel. Maybe you feel awful — and maybe you actually feel kind of great. If it’s the latter, it doesn’t necessarily mean you lack empathy; it might just mean you’re glad to be alive.

So absolutely, it’s okay if now is not the time to tackle your to-do list or write the book you’ve always wanted to write. But it’s okay if it is the perfect time. Not everyone’s situation is the same, and the advice and encouragement that resonates with an exhausted mother of four isn’t necessarily going to fit a young, single entrepreneur with nothing but time and drive. There’s no need to apologize for being overwhelmed, but you needn’t apologize for being in a good place, either, as long as you’re sensitive to the fact that not everyone is there.

If you have energy to spare, then move forward as you see fit, create what you can, and appreciate what you have. There may be a moment when you discover, as you pursue whatever you feel called to, an opportunity to serve others, whether that’s by solving a problem, making us laugh, or helping us to feel more connected. The rest of us will be grateful for your ability to thrive in difficult circumstances.